FanHouse

ESPN's Bill Simmons has long had his theories that David Stern fixed the 1985 draft lottery so the Knicks would end up with Patrick Ewing. There's the frozen envelope theory (my favorite), etc ... but Simmons has really outdone himself here. I've been chuckling about this all afternoon.

He's found video footage of the '85 lottery process, and he's figured out exactly how Stern had the thing rigged ... and it's not that crazy.



Here's the breakdown.

4:49: The hired accountant from Ernst & Whinney bangs one of the envelopes around around on the rim of the drum, presumably creasing one of the corners. Every other envelope goes in cleanly.

5:28: Stern reaches in and grabs a handful of envelopes, turns them over to look at them, and then drops all but one of them. The one he picks up is the one with the crease in the corner (pause it at 5:31 to see it). That envelope is placed at the #1-spot.

8:22: Stern announces that the Pacers get the 2nd pick, and thus, the Knicks have the first. Everyone in the building seems surprised but David Stern, who just looks guilty.

I'm picturing David Stern sitting in his office this afternoon, clicking around Page 2, finding this and saying to himself, "God damn you, Bill Simmons," right before he beats his poor assistant to death with his keyboard.

I'm not saying I believe Stern rigged this lottery ... but I'm not saying I don't believe it, either. Frankly, I wouldn't blame him if he did, and I'd kind of respect him for pulling it off. And bringing in the joyless Ernst & Whinney accountant as an accomplice ... that's just top shelf work . That's Ocean's Eleven stuff. If she wasn't still a minor at the time, Stern would've probably slept with Julia Roberts right after pulling this off.