FanHouse

The best excuse of all for missing work or a pressing social engagement still works--especially if it's African-strength intesto-funk we're talking about, and in this case, we are. The Ugandan soccer team Mbale Heroes requested a rescheduling of their match with Uganda League power URA. Why?

RELEGATION-THREATENED Mbale Heroes did not show up for their make-or-break tie against Super League champions URA at Namboole stadium, citing diarrhoea that has hit their camp.

The imagined dialogue tantalizes the imagination: Yes...Dr. Makelele? Yes, how do you do. Diarrhea, you say? Massive, explosive, singe-your-pants diarrhea? A veritable case of the Kathmandu Kickstep? One of your players pooped a hammer? My, that sounds painful. Yes, perhaps you should stay home, then. I recommend putting down a tarp on a slope...it'll make things so much easier.


Cha-cha-cha.

League President Moses Magogo will decide whether to reschedule the match for later this week or award URA 3 points and the forfeit for the Heroes' violation of the league's 48 hour cancellation rule. We say award the points to URA, since real champions perservere, even through difficult and perhaps intestine-scorching trials; after all, if eighty year-old Joe Paterno can soil himself on the field of play and return to coach, surely young, healthy soccer players can do the same.