The Debriefing: Fists Full of SchruteBucks VII: The NBA Draft Edition - FanHouse - AOL Sports Blog

The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.


It is time for two things: One, taking all of your "Isiah Thomas is a terrible GM" jokes, and swapping them for Danny Ainge jokes. And two, let's hand out some NBA Draft SchruteBucks ... the Friday FanHouse tradition that gets the weekend rolling.

+81,000, Isiah Thomas. Incredibly, draft night was stolen by Isiah Thomas and the New York Knicks. They got a 20-and-10 guy for free.

I suddenly no longer even remember that Isiah destroyed a proud basketball league that had existed for over 50 years, that he gave Jerome James $30 million, or that he traded for a max-contract Steve Francis.

Well, I guess I remember the Francis trade, but only because Zeke just pawned him off on Portland for Zach Randolph, who, barring injury or an inability to leave Scores, will be a perennial All-Star and the best post scorer in the East.

Seriously, I wouldn't have guessed that they could've gotten Darius Miles for Steve Francis and Channing Frye. Francis is dead weight with a bad contract, and Frye is a decent young player, but no one really knows exactly what he'll be yet, other than someone who isn't a superstar.

And for this, the Knicks pick up a 20 point and 10 rebound player, of whom there are only 5 in existence; the others being Chris Bosh, Kevin Garnett, Carlos Boozer, and Tim Duncan.

Portland's a draft night winner, no matter what, because they got Greg Oden, but after that ... I don't know. I don't know about this deal. Maybe they really wanted Zach Randolph gone, but was that really the best deal they could get for him? I refuse to believe it.

The Knicks are good now. The New York Knicks are a good basketball team. I'm having a hard time believing that, too.

-34,000, Danny Ainge.

This is all I can figure. Danny Ainge was so mad when the Celtics didn't get the 1st or 2nd pick that he said, "NO! The 5th pick? NO! I DON'T EVEN WANT IT!" And he decided to just give it away.

Hey, Ray Allen's a nice player, but if you have Paul Pierce, you don't need Ray Allen ... I don't even know if you want Ray Allen. And he's going to be good, for what, another 3 years? 5, tops? And in that five years, he allows you to do what, exactly... grab a 5th seed in the East?

Awesome, Celts, congratulations on that. And you threw in Delonte West and Wally Szczerbiak for the privilege? Ainge tried to get Al Jefferson into the deal before Sam Presti said, "Listen, man, this is ridiculous enough ... I can't let you do that."

If the reason Danny Ainge made this trade was to pacify Paul Pierce, that takes this trade from "atrociously bad" to "an immediately fireable offense." Paul Pierce is not good enough that you need to be making moves that sacrifice the team's future just to placate him.

And if Ainge thinks Pierce is on that level, and wants to treat him as such ... you're hurting, Boston. More than you even know.

+5,000, Yi Jianlian.

As he was drafted, the ESPN graphic told us that he attended the Hollywood premieres of "Pirates of the Carribean" and "Shrek 3." That's helpful info. Had he gone to see "Nancy Drew" and "1408" he probably would've dropped out of the lottery.

I didn't know his name was pronounced "E," either. And thus, from now on, he is ... Eazy Yi (awesome naughty language if you click that).

-10,000, Mike Tirico.

After Yi was drafted, Mike Tirico told us that just because two Chinese players are in the NBA, it doesn't mean that they're exactly alike.

Hm ... interesting theory, Mike Tirico. You mean there are people out there from the same country who have different skills, personalities, and abilities? Odd. This is going to make me rethink everything, because when Seattle drafted Kevin Durant, I couldn't help but compare him to Lindsay Hunter, Oliver Miller, and Redd Foxx.

+1,000, Arizona Cardinals.

Somehow, the moribund NFL Franchise got both Al Horford and Acie Law IV to wear hats proudly displaying the Cardinals logo. I don't know how they did it, but that was slick.

-200, Jeff Green.

I like Jeff Green, but sometimes I worry about him. When talking to Stuart Scott immediately after being drafted, the first thing he said was, "I don't have to score!" And it's true, he won't, but ... geez, man, you act like someone just told you that you didn't have to shower with Johan Petro.

It's great that you're unselfish ... really, it is. But you're good at scoring. That's what you're supposed to do with the basketball. Embrace it, man.

+4, Michael Jordan and the Charlotte Bobcats.

It was close to being -700 for MJ, because I don't think terribly highly of Brandan Wright. It seemed to me like that pick was MJ's way of saying, "Oh, everyone likes to laugh at me because I took Kwame Brown? Yeah, watch this... I'm going to do it AGAIN."

And he did, but he ended up trading Wright to Golden State, where Wright has a much better chance to succeed. And Jason Richardson comes back to Charlotte, and the more I think about that, the more I like it. They need an offensive focal point, a pure scorer, and while they did have some cap room to address that ... there probably won't be anyone out there on the free agent market that would be better than Jason Richardson.

+1,950, Joakim Noah.

The Bulls cap over the bushy hair, with the bowtie ... Noah's look is going to go down as one of the most ridiculous in draft history. But unlike Karl Malone, Charles Barkley, Samaki Walker, and Jalen Rose, Noah did it on purpose. He looked at himself in the mirror before he went out, said, "This looks ridiculous ... perfect."

Meanwhile, here's the one thing I interpreted from their selection of Noah: Chicago didn't think much of Spencer Hawes. They needed a big who could score, and Noah and Hawes were both on the board, Hawes clearly with more of an affinity for scoring ... and they take the hustle/garbage man in Noah. Interesting.

And it was originally a +2,000 for Noah, but he lost 50 points for saying that waiting for his name to be called was "the longest hour of his life." Brady Quinn thinks you're a total wuss.

-400, Stuart Scott.

"Nick Young! You were just drafted by the Washington Wizards! This must be a great moment for you, congratulations, it's got to feel great! So let's talk about your dead brother for a minute."

Come on, Stu, let the man smile. He was dressed like a maitre'd, at least let him proudly bask in his Warriors cap for a minute before you bring up the single biggest tragedy he'll ever experience.

+800, New Jersey Nets.

For taking Sean Williams, despite "concerns" about his marijuana "problem." ESPN had a poll running across the bottom of the screen, asking fans if Sean Williams was worth the risk, despite his weed habit, and 45% of the people said no, Williams wasn't worth it.

Not that I'd ever trivialize our nation's terrible marijuana problem, but um ... this is the NBA. If he didn't smoke up, I'd be a little bit concerned about how he'd fit in with his teammates. If the biggest character flaw you have on the guy is that he smoked some marijuana, then Sean Williams is going to be just fine.

+3,000, Marco Belinelli.

Whoever it was that Marco was hugging when he was drafted ... she was the highlight of ESPN's draft coverage for me. And I think Marco will be a good role player in the league, too.

He's Italian, so I have to fight the constant urge to compare him to Rocky Balbao, Christopher Columbus, Fredo Corleone, Mario and Luigi ... but I still think he'll be pretty decent. Especially in Golden State, where he'll have open looks all day.

+200, Dick Vitale.

He just amuses me. He'll go an entire college basketball season without saying one negative thing about any college player or coach ... but stick him in an NBA Draft broadcast, and he'll spend all night blasting anything NBA-related.

+84,000, The Unlucky Patrons of Some Poor Restaurant.

Vitale and Stephen A. Smith made some kind of a dinner bet based on the depth of this draft class vs. the depth of the '03 class, and ... should this dinner date happen, I just want to express my sincere wishes for a speedy recovery to whoever ends up seated at the table next to Vitale and Stephen A. There isn't going to be enough oxygen in that room.

+8,000, Spike Lee.

Just for being Spike Lee. Spike Lee's presence makes the NBA better.

+10,000, Fran Fraschilla.

For being a library of information on international basketball players. Seriously. He might be a little bit too rah-rah for some of the foreign guys, but he's the one NBA media presence I know of who's word I completely trust on international prospects.

+1,500, Philadelphia 76ers.

I love the move to pick up Jason Smith of Colorado State ... and I'm sure Jason Smith loved it, too. He went from being behind Shaquille O'Neal and Alonzo Mourning on the depth chart, to being behind Samuel Dalembert. If Dalembert could have been magically re-entered into the 2007 Draft, I don't know that he'd be a first rounder.

I really like what I've seen of Jason Smith. I have to resist the urge to compare him to Greg Ostertag, Steve Blake, and Sam Donaldson ... but I still see him being a pretty good pro.

+900, David Stern.

For handling the New York crowd like a pro. Right before Corey Brewer was selected, some loud drunk yelled out, "BREWER!" just before Stern was to call the name ... and he nodded and went along with the joke as did in fact call Brewer's name.

Later, towards the end of the first round, he stepped up to the podium, and announced that there had been a trade, and people just started yelling for no particular reason. A couple of people were persistent with their yelps, and Stern just looked at them incredulously, like, "I know you're screaming just to scream, pal. You think you could knock it off?" He's a total pro.

-29,000, Every Player Who Had "Athleticism" or "Foot Speed" under ESPN's "Needs to Improve:" graphic.

Yeah, get right out and work on those things ... try to improve your height, the color of your eyes, and developed webbed feet, too. If a guy's graduating college, and he's not that athletic, guess what? He's not going to get much more athletic.

"Needs to Improve: Genetics."








Frank Thomas. With all the talk of Barry Bonds chasing Hank Aaron's colossal homerun record, 500 doesn't seem like a huge number anymore. But only 21 people in Major League Baseball history have done it, and Frank Thomas just became one of them.

Congrats, Big Hurt. I liked what he said at the press conference after the game, too. I can't find the whole quote, but here's part of it.

"It means a lot to me because I did it the right way. I could care less what others have done,"

I don't think he meant to take a shot at Barry Bonds as much as he was just expressing that he was happy with himself ... he knows that the real value of his accomplishment is the hard work he's put into it. I believe that he really could care less about what anyone else has done, he's proud of of his own accomplishment, and that's the right way to be about it.

And then he got thrown out later in the game for arguing with an umpire, just adding to his magical day.

Oh, and sharing in the MVP love is a a guy named Todd Eisenlohr, who caught Thomas's 500th home run ball, and then gave it back to Thomas in exchange for an autographed jersey, bat, and ball. That's a nice thing to do. If it was me, I'd have that thing on eBay right now.



Michelle Wie. She's turning into the female David Duval. She shot an 82 today at the U.S. Women's Open, and ... everyone who talks about her has a sour look on.

It bothers me that people now seem mad at Michelle Wie, like she forced someone to put some faith in her, and then made a mess of herself. She was young, incredibly talented, attractive, and marketable, and the media blew her up ... and now that she's not hitting the ball well, people act like she's wronged the American public somehow.

She's 17, she's eventually get this straightened out and play quality golf again. Maybe some time off to just be a normal teenager would help.



7:30, ESPN. Arena Football Playoffs. Orlando Predators @ Philadelphia Soul.
8:00, Bravo. The Godfather, Part II.
9:00, NFL Network. America's Game. 1984 San Francisco 49ers.
10:00, ESPN2. Friday Night Fights.