FanHouse

The Home Run Derby is not perfect. It lasts too long, Chris Berman makes my ears want to bleed, most of the best players aren't participating, and the players all look really stupid in their team hats and All-Star warm-up jerseys. But you know what? No one's expecting perfect. Prince Fielder and Ryan Howard were both born for this kind of thing and they're here, along with one of the best hitters any of us may ever see (Albert Pujols, of course). There will be lots of home runs hit, there will be lots of people doing stupid things in boats, there will be a lot of fun had, and no one will try to make it more important than it really is. That can only mean one thing: live blog. Anyways, the whole thing kicks off at 8 PM and I'll be here, so follow along with the live updates after the jump.
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Pre-Derby Prediction: Prince Fielder. He's been in line to win this thing since he was 12 years old. Ryan Howard is a beast, but I think tonight is the Prince's night.

While we're at it, I'm thinking that you might need the Home Run Derby Drinking Game to get through this one (via Ballhype).

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FIRST ROUND

8:00 PM- I know they said this thing is starting at 8, but the Counting Crows and a full stage are on the field and not playing the National Anthem. Why do they tell us it's starting at 8 when I'd be willing to bet that no one swings a bat until 8:15 or later?

8:18 PM- Well, after a stupid promo, painful individual introductions (Albert "Winnie the" Pujols ... kill me now), a tribute to Willie McCovey (again ruined by a stupid Berman nickname I am destroyed in the comments by someone who kindly reminds me that "Stretch" was McCovey's real nickname ... mea culpa, mea culpa, I was in "Berman nickname overkill" and I totally spaced on that one), detailed introductions of the entire commentary team (Joe Morgan, Dusty Baker, and poor Kenny Mayne who is stuck on a kayak with a camera on his head in McCovey Cove), some predictions (Dusty picks Prince, Joe picks Howard, Berman picks Pujols, Alex Rios feels the snub), a Ryan Howard interview (Erin Andrews is here!), some Peter Gammons talking, an explanation of the rules, and more discussion of the batting order (which we've already been given once), Justin Morneau is taking the plate at 8:18. Finally some homers.

Justin Morneau- He's a line drive hitter and that's bad for the derby. He takes three outs to get one over the fence, assuring he won't duplicate fellow Canadian Jason Bay's donut from two years ago. According to Berman, he wears #33 for Patrick Roy, which is kind of amusing to me. He does manage to hit four homers including two gold balls and three of the four to the deepest parts of the park. Right-center field is going to steal some homers tonight.

Matt Holliday- First off, Karl Ravech, Krukie, and Steve Phillips are stuck in a studio watching on TV and telling America there's no where else they'd rather be (explanation for that is here). They are obviously lying. The wind is blowing out to left (at least, that's what I got from Joe Morgan's babbling) and Holliday passes Morneau with only four outs, then makes six straight outs to wind up with only five. They show one of his homers on the super slow-mo cam. I love that thing.

Magglio Ordonez- Before Maggs can get to the plate, Barry Bonds tells Peter Gammons that he'd love to be out there, but simply can't do it anymore. Call me a sucker, but I think I believe him. Sadly, this is the one night of the year I'd like to see Bonds on a field. Barry continues to talk over Magglio's AB and chastises people for reading things written about him by third parties and believing them. You heard it here first folks, Barry Bonds does not want you to read. Halfway through Ordonez's turn at the plate, someone finally talks about him. He struggles pretty badly though and only hits two homers.

Albert Pujols- Oh boy, a preview for The Bronx Is Burning! Set your DVRs, folks! This is really shameless self-promotion. Pujols takes three pitches while the camera focuses above him and no one tells me who is batting. Then he hits his first home run since mid-June (as I am reminded for the 73rd time tonight) on his first swing. Alex Rodriguez takes a seat with the broadcasting crew in a suit and tie and not an official warm-up jersey and cap. Someone is probably pissed about that. Joe babbles on about him while Boomer actually hits him with a good question about staying in New York, which A-Rod avoids. Pujols, meanwhile, silently swears to destroy what will eventually be A-Rod's home run record for stealing his thunder, but can only manage four homers. Berman blames the park for the lack of home runs. I blame the lack of home run hitters. I think I'm right.

Alex Rios- I feel bad for Rios. It's not his fault he's here. He's got a nice swing. He has four homers at the halfway point but fizzles out like everyone else and only gets one more to tie Holliday for first. The ballpark definitely stole a couple more from him.

Prince Fielder- He starts off with a ground ball. I think that's his first all year. He then starts taking lots and lots of pitches. He wants to win. He's usually a pretty fun-loving guy but he looks focused tonight. He didn't bring his own pitcher to San Fran and that was a mistake, I think, because he keeps asking whoever is throwing to him to bring the ball more inside. He only hits three, and what can I say, I'm a bit disappointed.

On the interlude, they talk about the Brewers. They show lots of Brewer highlights, but they're all against the Pirates. This taints that just a bit. Joe is proud of himself for watching the Brewers once in Spring Training. I'm just waiting for an FJM post about this.

Vladimir Guerrero- David Ortiz interrupts his at-bat after three outs, opens up a case, and hands Vlad a new bat. Papi is all business. It doesn't help him much at first, but he gets hot towards the end of the at-bat and starts absolutely crushing the ball. Back when he played for the Expos, I used to go to PNC just to watch him swing the bat because he swings so hard all the time. He's not changing for the derby. He ends at five with Rios and Holliday and ensures a pass to the second round for the three of them.

Ryan Howard- Finally, what everyone's been waiting for. It's taken over an hour just to get to the last batter of the first round and let me tell you what, things are getting a bit tedious. Howard struggles badly, firing foul balls of into the American League bench, and takes eight swings to get one out of the park. He can only get two more out of the park for a total of three, and the defending champ fails to advance to the second round! Now we have to have a "bat-off" between Pujols and Morneau to get the final player to advance. Can you feel the excitement?

Five swing playoff- No one knows what this thing is called. I hear Jon Miller in the background calling it a "swing-off." The ESPN guys are calling it a "bat-off." I am keeping lots of inappropriate comments to myself at the moment. Holy crap, I think Ron Gardenhire is pitching to Morneau, which is awesome. He only gets one homer in his five swings. Pujols gets two in two swings to advance. Chris Berman is now referencing suburbs and I'm thinking about hitting the SAP button (because if I hit the mute button, I'd fall asleep).

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SECOND ROUND

All righties have advanced. Kenny Mayne is crushed.

Matt Holliday- He's killing the ball. This thing is clearly on a five second delay because Holliday is yelling loudly and I think the naughty words are being blanked out. You can use your imagination to fill in the blanks if you wish. He gets eight in the second round to bring his total to 13, which is almost certainly going to get him into the finals. One of his eight was a 469-foot bomb to left-center.

Alex Rios- Rios keeps hitting the ball to dead center, which isn't really optimal during one of these things, but the ball keeps going over the fence. Once he starts using all the park he actually passes Holliday by blasting twelve homers (for a total of 17) and takes a huge lead on the field. The two guys that weren't supposed to be here have made the going rough for the two guys left that everyone wanted to see.

Vladimir Guerrero- It's after 10:00 PM and no The Bronx Is Burning! Some suit somewhere is not happy about this development, let me tell you what. I'm mostly certain that Vlad is still using Papi's bat, if you're curious. Joe Morgan is now openly rooting for Vlad (his pick) and we've got a Jeffrey Maier incident in left-field on one of Vlad's outs where a fan reached waaay out and possibly robbed Vlad of a homer. We finally get some excitement when Vlad hits #13 just over the left-field fence to tie Holliday with one out left, then crushes another one to the glove in left (503 feet!) to eliminate Holliday and put the pressure on Pujols before finally bowing out.

Albert Pujols- Rios is in the finals. Pujols will need eleven here to pass Guerrero and avoid a second swing-off. Kenny Mayne has moved to left field with a life-jacket and a whistle to try and catch a home run. Unfortunately, his helmet camera is off. Pujols wastes no time and crushes his first three swings over the fence. Tony La Russa looks like a proud papa watching from the side. He then cools off with six straight outs before he starts mashing again. He then just misses #14 overall to left-centerfield (we're talking warning track power) to miss a playoff with Guerrero. It was quite an effort after his slump in the middle of things, but he comes up just short.

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FINALS

Thankfully, this round is only five outs. I do have to say that Guerrero and Pujols' at-bats were probably the two most exciting ABs I've seen in the Derby. The finals will probably be anti-climatic after those two ABs.

Alex Rios- Chris Berman just made a "go to Florida and recount the ballots" joke. Someone check his batteries. Get ready to remember Monica Lewinsky and Dan Quayle next as Berman slowly regresses. Rios only gets two homers and it's pretty obvious he's tired. His whole at-bat is dominated by a Spanish language interview with Vlad. Aww, crap, Rios is still batting and that means they get ten outs. I should've paid attention to one of the seventeen explanations of the rules tonight. Rios still only gets two homers, though. The door is certainly open for Vlad.

Vladimir Guerrero- Vlad gets out to a quick start with two early homers, but cools down and makes things interesting before ripping his third homer on swing #10. There are a lot of very happy people with Dominican flags on the field mobbing him. He put on a great show tonight with his run in the second round, which was one of the most fun derby rounds to watch in recent history.

Anyways, Vlad Guerrero is the 2007 Home Run Derby champion and I'm out for the night. I do hear this show called The Bronx Is Burning or something is on next, if you're into that kind of thing.