Now that we know Michael Vick is pleading guilty to being the Don Corleone of the dogfighting world (and that's not a compliment, if you're reading, Michael) and that he's most likely going away for at least a year, the big questions for NFL fans are these: Will he play for the Falcons again? Will he play in the NFL again? Will he even play football again? And will the nickname "Fresh Fish" Vick stick?
(Also at the bottom: ... Watching the Miami Hurricanes play somewhere other than the Orange Bowl will feel very weird ... Don Imus is being replaced with a guy just as racist as Don Imus ... and Charles Oakley's comeback should not be to an NBA court ... )
Unless he experiences some kind of grand religious conversion inside, and comes out and insists that we call him Lahi'ah Abdul-Jabbar, Vick is playing football again. And even if that conversion were to happen, I'd think that the
religious scholar responsible for it would have the good sense to say, "You know, Mike, let's stick with football ... Allah understands that your non-athletic capabilities are limited."It's safe to rule out a return to Atlanta, though. Arthur Blank, Falcons owner and dog lover, has to feel about as betrayed as any man can feel ... Vick not only turned his backyard into Darfur for dogs, he lied about it to the man who gave him a $130 million contract. He can't go back to Atlanta. I'd have to believe that that bridge has been sufficiently torched.
Canada's an option, though I think the CFL is tired of being cast as a refugee camp for lawless NFL'ers. The league up north took Ricky Williams, and it took Mr. Whizzinator, Onterrio Smith ... it might draw the line at Fresh Fish Vick, though, even though his alleged proclivity for spreading herpes combined with their free health care system seems like a natural fit.
The Arena League is also a possibility, one that I'm sure that the Arena people would embrace. They'd love the opportunity to finally have the most famous member of the Arena community actually be a player and not an owner.
It won't come to that, though. When he's paid his debt to society, despite what a lot of people think, there will be another opportunity for Fresh Fish Vick in the NFL. It won't matter how remorseful he is or appears to be ... what will matter is the dearth of quality NFL quarterbacks and what's left of his freakish physical abilities.
He won't need forgiveness. People like to say that we're a forgiving culture, but I don't think that's true. I think it's more accurate to say that we live in a culture of selective forgetfulness. The attitude isn't, "Hey, we all make mistakes, and you deserve a second chance, friend." The attitude is, "Well, if you can do something for me, I'll conveniently forget that you beat your wife, killed an innocent woman while driving drunk, or drowned a puppy with your bare hands."
Look good in a bikini? Fine, we'll forget your DUIs. Can you turn in an Oscar-worthy performance as an alcoholic Wal-Mart cashier with Tourette's syndrome? Fine, your drug arrests are no problem. And if you could still score touchdowns today, Orenthal, we could forget about that whole double-murder thing.
I honestly believe that. If OJ Simpson still had his moves, some team would find room for him.
Leonard Little's in the NFL, all right? Leonard Little has killed. A human being, even ... not a dog. Little, less than 10 years ago, got behind the wheel of his Navigator, and with a blood alcohol level nearly twice the legal limit, ran a red light, plowed into another car and killed an innocent woman.
And here's the kicker: six years later, Leonard was arrested again for drunk driving. But despite officers reports of bloodshot eyes, reeking of alcohol, failing three roadside sobriety tests, and admitting to drinking alcohol, he was somehow eventually acquitted of the driving while intoxicated charges.
He still wears the NFL logo on his chest. Why? Here's a hint: it's not our benevolent forgiveness. It's because he's very good at what he does. He was a Pro Bowler in 2003, and had 9 sacks in 2005, and 12 in 2006.
Again, it's got nothing to do with how remorseful Little is or isn't, and it's not about the NFL giving people second chances ... it's about the fact that he can still produce. If you can produce, there's a spot for you. If Tom Brady joined Al-Qaeda and helped plan a massive fire-bombing of Gillette Stadium, as long as he wasn't in jail and could still engineer a 4th quarter comeback, some team would put him under center.
Sure, there will be some teams who won't go near Vick when he gets out ... maybe even most teams. But whenever he's eligible again, be it one year or two years, some team's going to have a need at quarterback, and Michael Vick's phone is going to ring. The NFL isn't about morality. The NFL is all about making money. And making money means winning games, and winning games means bringing in the best players you can find, and if bringing in the best players you can find means bringing in someone who would bludgeon Rin Tin Tin to death with a ball-peen hammer ... then that's what the NFL's all about.
If some owner feels like Vick can help his team go from 7-9 to 12-4, then Fresh Fish will get that chance. The team will deal with the public backlash, it will put up with the PETA protesters, and the owner will spin it as a gesture of giving a reformed man a second chance to succeed in society. And you know what? If he wins, the fans won't care, either.
Come on ... you don't think the Raiders are going to offer him a contract the second he's eligible to play again? Even if JaMarcus Russell is the league MVP, if Al Davis is still alive when Vick can play again, Al Davis is calling Michael Vick. It's what the man does. Vick's release date will be circled on his calendar.
Apparently, BMX racing is an Olympic trial sport this year ... we can't get golf in, but we'll build a big lumpy race track for an event in which people in only a couple of countries participate. Excellent.
That said, however ... I like our chances for gold.
CBS, Having Learned From Their Mistakes In The Don Imus Flap, Replaces Imus With Another Racist ... Last week, CBS announced that Don Imus was being replaced by a fellow named Craig Carton. Carton, if you aren't familiar with his classy work, is no stranger to controversy himself.I had never heard of the guy before, but in the link above Newsday outlines a few of Carton's noteworthy bits, including a clearly racist rant about Chinese Americans. Audio of the bit is on the internet, and it includes repeated shoutings of "ching-chong!" as well as a call for casinos to segregate Asians from the rest of the noble white gamblers ... all of it coming as part of a rant against, from what I can gather, the rights of Asian-Americans to participate in the American voting process. Sure, that seems fair, and not at all prejudicial or racist. Denying people the right to vote based on their ethnicity ... sure, that's a very civil and American thing to do. Awesome hire, CBS. Moving from hostile racial attitudes against black people to hostile racial attitudes against Asians ... huge step in the right direction. We are clearly learning and growing as a people. |
| Just A Couple More Random Things On Michael Vick ... 1) If we hadn't already, I think we can go ahead and officially declare a winner in this trade. 2) It's a shame that Vick didn't decide to organize a camel-fighting ring. Now that would be some justice. |
Fall In Morgantown Will Be Fun, Regardless ... Yesterday was a day of highlights and lowlights for the West Virginia Mountaineers. The good news: they're back on top of the Princeton Review's list of party schools, despite some extreme anti-partying measures taken by the university in recent years (more on those Princeton Review numbers in a second).The bad news: projected defensive starters Ellis Lankster and J.T. Thomas were arrested after they were found with a stolen computer. Thomas claims he bought the computer second-hand. I'd like to offer up the defense that the young men desperately needed the computer to finish up a breakthrough biology research project, but ... WVU also ranked 1st in the Princeton Review's category of "Their Students (Almost) Never Study." Sort of blows that theory all to hell. |
Charles Oakley. The good news: judging from this interview with ESPN's Sam Alipour, Oak is 100% serious about making a comeback. The bad news: Oak wants a two-year deal for about $10 million ... which means it isn't happening.The silver lining: the interview itself is a clear indication that Oakley does deserve a big contract from someone ... but that someone shouldn't be an NBA basketball team, that someone should be ESPN. Some snippets from the interview ...
You mentioned your friend Eddy Curry. How can you help him, specifically?
I played in Chicago with him. Eddy will listen to me. I worked with him after practice. I'll tell him this: "You got to get in shape, No. 1. You can't play basketball if you're not in shape. You're not in shape to do what you should for 82 games." He wasn't in shape all of last year. Ain't nobody telling him that. I'm not a friend. I'm going to speak my mind.
The Mavericks seem to be the only Western Conference team that you're interested in. Why them?
I can give Dirk (Nowitzki) a mind-set. It's about getting a mind-set in Dallas. A lot of (the Mavs') players are fundamental players who need the ball, can't play without the ball. They just need communication on the court.
You also mentioned the Cavaliers. They certainly can use an inside presence and veteran leadership.They need someone who understands, who controls defense. They're bad on defense. They don't have guys who get in position. They're just bad.
That is more candor and insight in a short interview with the dot-com than has been provided by all ESPN on-air basketball analysts combined over the past three seasons. Seriously, Dee Brown has a job there ... Oak wouldn't be an improvement? He'd be brilliant. Give him whatever he wants ... pay him whatever it takes.
You need him, ESPN. Get on the phone, Norby Williamson. Make it happen, captain.
The Miami Hurricanes. According to the blog of SI's Stewart Mandel (who makes it easier and more fun to follow college football, I should add), the 'Canes will announce tomorrow that they're leaving the Orange Bowl for Dolphin Stadium.
For a lot of reasons, most of them financial, it's an easy decision for the 'Canes to make. Mandel says they'll make an automatic $1.5 million more per year, just from things like luxury boxes and club seating ... but I wonder if the overall cost might be greater.
I hate to acknowledge it as an important quote, but remember that fight between Miami and FIU at the Orange Bowl, when commentator Lamar Thomas condoned the entire thing and said, "You don't come into the O.B. playing that stuff?"
Idiotic statements ... no question about that. But as it applies to this situation, there's something to it. The players buy into that "O.B." stuff, which is fine for them ... they're excitable young people playing football, as opposed to responsible adults condoning the swinging of a football helmet and the stomping of a man while he lies on the ground.
You move away from the Orange Bowl, all of its ancient charms, its distinct look, its cramped seating, its intimate atmosphere ... and you lose something. You move into the expansive Dolphin Stadium; comfortable, huge, generic and sterile (and probably half-full, most of the time), and you lose a great deal of atmosphere.
That means something in college football ... and I'm not talking about some vague notions of tradition, I'm talking about actual tangible on-field results. In college sports, atmosphere alone can win games. Anyone who's ever been to a college game in an amazing atmosphere can tell you that. It's fact.
And Miami's about to give up a lot of that ... for $1.5 million a year. The cost in the long run might be far greater.
Deserving Of Your Full Attention ...
6:30, ESPN. SportsCenter Fantasy Draft Special. Always an entertaining hour and a half, as ESPN will no doubt manage to squeeze in some guys who have clearly never played fantasy football before this year. If Emmitt Smith is involved, Tony Romo could go in the first round.
Other Stuff ...
8:00, ESPN2. Little League Baseball. World Series. Chandler, Arizona vs. Coon Rapids, Minnesota.
9:00, FOX. House.
10:00, ESPN. The Bronx is Burning.
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