Even the birds in Cincinnati can't go without breaking the law. From today's Cincinnati Enquirer:
Operators of Paul Brown Stadium want permission from the city to kill birds that have been pooping on Bengals fans.I say the first 20,000 fans through the gates for the Monday night game against the Pats get a free firearm, and let the rest just sort itself out. Alright, that might be a bit extreme -- even for Cincy -- so maybe the first 20,000 patrons should get a bag of rocks. That way, there aren't any accidental person-to-person shootings; worst case, a few fans leave with some lumps to the noggin.
Pigeon droppings have been falling on patrons and into their food and beverages, according to a letter to the city from Eric Brown, managing director of Paul Brown Stadium Ltd., which runs the stadium for Hamilton County, which owns it....
City officials are working with stadium officials on both the legalities of killing the birds as well as the means by which they might be killed, said city spokeswoman Meg Olberding.
Apparently, the problem was initially alleviated through crowd noise. The birds must have cable, however, because after the team dropped consecutive games on the road, the they're back. Other than the bag of rocks idea, other possible solutions include: strobe lights, noise makers (which can't be used during games), prickly coverings for horizontal surfaces, fake owls, netting and Marvin Lewis scarecrows. (Made that last one up.)
Hat tip to Can't Stop the Bleeding, whose headline pretty much says it all: "Outspoken Critics of the Bengals 'D' Face Persecution." Awesome.
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Reader Comments ( Page 1 of 1)
1. Ryan Wilson. What a piece of garbage this article is. Your apparent animus against the Bengals is on full display!! Rather than a straightforward article to that effect you have to use this ridiculous segue to ridicule the team? Gutless, disengenuous piece of literature! I guess now that I see what you are all about I will temper my conclusions from any article you write, concerning whatever you write about! (and you really must be having some hellacious writers block to roll out this gem!)
Posted at 9:56PM on Sep 27th 2007 by Bart
2. I live in Cincinnati, and this place is crawling with nuts like ol' Bart here.
Handing out firearms to the fans would be redundant, as most of them are suburbanites already concealed-carrying because they believe downtown is crawling with armed robbers, abortion doctors, and "Islamofascists".
Posted at 10:56PM on Sep 27th 2007 by THEO
3. Then you must have no pride for our city as this article is a backhand (albeit a weak one) to the team and the people of Cincinnati.
Posted at 6:24AM on Sep 28th 2007 by JAB
4. so based on based on the comments, i guess i'll add "a sense of humor" to the list of things cincinattians lack.
Posted at 8:49AM on Sep 28th 2007 by Luz