Redskins Behind Patriot Lines: Five [Plus One] Questions With An Enemy Blogger - FanHouse - AOL Sports Blog

Back by popular demand ... I invited Monponsett [of The Belly Check and Cape Cod Today] back to discuss the New England Patriots. Last week, I asked her about the Patriots-Dolphins game. Not only does Monponsett bring the pain by candidly smacking your team, adding pop culture references and breaking down the game ... she's a chick. Sucks for you that a female can smash this out and you can't.

This week, we chat it up about New England hosting the Redskins ... which is an upgrade ... the ol' Boston Redskins ... New England sports and New Kids on the Block. Enjoy Chowderhead smack without hearing the Chowderhead accent.

Sportz: As a fan [who doesn't have to be PC about this], is there any way that you are looking past this game and to the Colts next week?

Monponsett: Eff the Colts. Manning gives them a puncher's chance, but I'd kindle my fireplace with money before I'd bet that same scratch on the Colts prevailing in an important Patriot game. We're a whole new team this year.

Indy's defense was/is/always shall be the easy slut of Mr. Touchdown USA... and one can imagine that Mr. Touchdown will be feeling a little bit Randy that particular weekend. We'll beat them like a lazy serf.

Viewed in that light... no, we are not looking past whoever we're playing before the Colts.

Sportz: This is the first matchup between two coaches who have won three Super Bowl rings. Who's legacy is sweeter: Belichick or Gibbs?

Monponsett: If Gibbs were running Gulf War I (and he was available then), there would have been no need for Gulf War II. Gibbs took three titles in a decade stuffed with great teams, rolling over Elway, Kelly, Montana, Aikman, and even a coked-up LT in the process. He walked away at the height of his powers and dominated another sport. You call Joe Gibbs "Sir" when you meet him.

Still... Belly is at the top of his game, and he is currently running the NFL like a savvy pimp. He's ruined more than a few quarterbacks... McNair, DelHomme, Gannon, McNabb, Warner, Big Ben, Leftwich, Rivers, Palmer... they're never really the same once they cross swords with the Hoody. Only Manning has truly beaten him, and he needed like twelve tries.

The Nantucket resident has an ultra-innovative system that one can plug a cheerleader into and still win. The staff who he supposedly owed so much of his success to fall apart when they go solo at Cleveland, New York, and Our Lady. He constantly reinvents his team to confront whatever happens. He'll call a dropkick.

Watching all those playoff games over the years, you even get the sense that B Double is able to exert some sort of influence over the weather... I keep waiting for him to make it snow in a domed stadium.

Gibbs played tougher competition, yes. Belichick never lost a Super Bowl 38-9, and the argument is settled by the fact that Bill reeling off 2 more Super Bowls seems almost likely at this point.

Sportz: I wanted to ask this question because of of the historical factor. Gibbs won in a dynastic era while Belichick wins in this free agency/salary cap era. I also agree that Bill could top him with a few more rings.

Okay, new topic. The Redskins were once the Boston Braves. Are their any 90 year old BoSkins fans still around?

Monponsett: I know plenty of New Englanders- especially on Cape Cod, where a lot of NY types summer- that root for the Giants, who were also the closest team to us before we got the Patriots. This was because the former Fenway Park resident Braves never caught on, and were glad to head to the Wash in the 1930s. I suppose there are people who still miss the Redskins.

Of course, Boston is a pretty tough town.... and it is very, very parochial. If you're coming up for the game and plan on wearing your Redskins gear around on Sunday... you may want to keep it under an overcoat until you get out into the rural country around Foxboro. If you rock that sh*t in Southie or something, even the local Priest might stab you up a few... just to show you how things are done in the Old Towne. He's not going to care about the Boston Redskins, either. The cops will just laugh, and may put the boots to you themselves.

A saving grace is the Wampanoag population in southeastern New England... you know, Squanto's descendants, kinda. The grandparents of the historical Patriots- the minutemen of Lexington/Concord and Bunker Hill- brought down genocide upon the Wampanoags in the 1600s.... and, while time heals all wounds, one can understand how there could be a little dissent in Patriot nation that even a casino might not assuage.

In the same vein... I bet that more than a few Chesapeake-area fans will jump right onto our backs when we play the runaway Baltimo, ummm, Indianapolis Colts, no matter what sort of prison-shower work we put in on the Wash this weekend.

Sportz: What advantages do the Patriots have over the Redskins?

Monponsett:

• Given time to throw...which looks like a pretty sure bet against the Wash... Brady can just wait till Moss gets near the end zone... then just loft one up there and let him snatch it away... maybe 5 times a game, if he feels like it.
• While I don't believe in super heroes, Wes Welker would be the alias I would expect one to use.
• We have a 260 pound tight end who is almost as fast as Moss... and although he lacks Randy's hands, it really hurts to tackle him.
• Get all those guys covered, and Stallworth might turn a short dump pattern into a 70 yarder.
• Fail covering them, and you're down big quick.. against a tough offensive line and a powerful running attack. You also get to try a comeback against a Belichick defense that knows you're gonna be throwing.
• The Redskins have been bad for a while. They may sneak into the playoffs here and there, but they are conditioned to losing- especially to the NFL's heavyweights. It's like Pavlov's dog. After a while Pavlov only had to ring the f****ng bell... no Chuck Wagon necessary.
• The Patriots are good, and they know it. Football is war, and as Napoleon said of warfare,"the mental is to the physical as three is to one."
• Was that Big Dick Seymour that I saw practicing today? By golly, it was!

Sportz: What advantages do the Redskins have over the Patriots?

Monponsett:

• It rained like crazy the last few days, and southern New England drains slowly. It could be a wet field, which might slow down Moss and Stallworth.... while favoring Portis.
• If this were Gettysburg, Gibbs would make a nice Meade to Belichick's Lee. Gibbs won't make many mistakes, and he will be quick to capitalize on mistakes made in front of him.
• While I haven't went out and clocked him myself, I'd bet that ol' Rodney isn't quite as fast as he was when he was on the steroids. Gibbs knows speed, and look for him test Rodney's.
• CIA involvement, as certain war game computer models call for a Belichick-driven popular uprising in the 2010s.
• Bridget Moynihan could not be blamed if she constructed a Tom Brady voodoo doll, and maybe got a little too stabby near the doll's Achilles tendon.
• We may not have current tape of your offensive coordinator.
• The Patriots may eat all their Halloween candy early, and be playing Sunday with a sort of collective tummyache.
• Randy Moss could stub his toe on a pumpkin.
• Washington has two really mean safeties, one of whom got like a 6 on the Wonderlic.
• The Patriots might be all sad because the Red Sox are getting so much attention right now.

Sportz: With the Red Sox ready to seal the deal in the World Series, isn't it fair to let some one else win a title in another sport????

Monponsett: I never put too much money on the Red Sox. I can remember crying myself to sleep one October night in 1986, a night not unlike this one....

We dominate sports in different eras.Most of the banners in the Gahhhden belong to the Bruins. Bill Russell would have to fashion a S+M device to wear all his championship rings at once. America's Cup used to be run out of Newport. We once won our own marathon (go Bill Rogers!). The Harvard/Yale game was the biggest in the country for a time, BC is always fun, and we invented Thanksgiving football. John L. Sullivan, Rocky Marciano and Marvin Hagler all come from the general area. We even chased the British away. We always represented well. There were two critical exceptions.

The Patriots came here in 1959, and were on a Bambino Curse streak of ineptitude before Mo Lewis made it all go away when he finished off the Bledsoe era with one lovely stick. I have family members who were born, lived, and died without seeing the Red Sox win one,,, shoot, I know people who have grandparents that did that cycle. We've earned our right to strut around like we own the place. My advice is to just cower before the Money Shot.

Don't fret... Massachusetts will no doubt soon put forth another centrist liberal for some GOP oil man to bat around for a campaign, Another NKOTB will emerge. There will be another Perfect Storm. Lobster will fall out of favor. People will begin to scorn Thanksgiving. Even the foliage goes away. The long and terrible hour of the Beast is finite.