On This Week In Schadenfreude we explore the sputtering rage, gibbering condemnation, and resigned ennui of the college football fan who has recently undergone humiliating defeat. Because even in your darkest hour, someone else is suffering too, and probably worse than you. Unless you are a Michigan fan who has just finished watching the Appalachian State game.scha·den·freu·deDictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
–noun
satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else's misfortune.
[Origin: 1890–95; < G, equiv. to Schaden harm + Freude joy]
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.
Cal's season has officially collapsed. The reign of Troy seems truly and finally over, at least until the Mustain era begins. A top ten team lost to Mississippi State. And Nebraska still exists and is still "coached" by Bill Callahan. But nothing can top the woe of Orson Swindle, Florida fan par excellence and the sole, magnificent reason the Gators are this week's Tears of Unfathomable Sadness awardee.
His postgame catharsis can be excerpted in this profanity-free space in no way ... unless humorous cartoon punctuation substitues for most of it. Ready? Go!
Knowshon Moreno? [so far so good -ed] #$*&. Damn. God *#$@ing dammit. God #$*S#@*iing dammit. Holy #$&#$!$%*ing piss-#$*#$ing #$*(@#$*ing bull&*#$ $#%&#*@. Just $&#*ing god&*@ pisswad #$*#$ing Cleveland steamer *#$&!ing !&!$%-*#@ &*#$ing #*$&#*$&#ing #*#@head hellassed #$&!storm goddamn *#$%#@& #$&*wallah @#&*headed rectumweeping @!#$%*&ing #*&@master!This is what masters of communication call "staying on message." A complete look at the week in spleen after the jump.
| BIG TEN | ||
Michigan State. After a promising start, Michigan State has collapsed into a pile of mediocre crap headed for within a game of .500. Meet the new coach, same as the old coach. Meet Spartan football. They're hard-bitten cynics by now over at the Red Cedar Message Board: What was coach Dantonio's biggest mistake so far?The immediate response: "dammit, you beat me to it." Michigan State plays Michigan this weekend; there is a countdown clock to inevitable defeat. |
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| PAC 10 |
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 UCLA. Oh, UCLA. Beat Cal, go to 4-0 in the Pac-10, play 2-5 Washington State, winless in conference, and lose by 20. Raise your hand if you're surprised. Right: nobody. I wonder if Bruins Nation has anything to say? I was told we had an "excellent practice."I think that "Karl Dorrell" might be getting "fired" and if "not," Bruins Nation will be very "entertaining" this "offseason." Heck, they've already moved on from firing Dorrell -- a fait accompli in their eyes -- to making sure that defensive coordinator DeWayne Walker isn't Dorrell's successor: Walker needs to be exposed for what he is: an average assistant coach at best, who in the eyes of some desperate UCLA fans, who are willing to settle for anything to get rid of Dorrell, is a credible candidate for UCLA's next football coach.And now you can get in on the action: Bruins Nation and DumpDorrell are taking donations for a "Dump Dorrell" billboard. |
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Oregon. Wait ... Oregon? Winners over USC and presumed Pac-10 frontrunners? Yes. Oregon. The 7-1 Ducks play undefeated Arizona State next weekend in a game that should have massive implications for the BCS title game. Who will see it? Nobody, because of the stupidest TV contract in the history of college football*. Oregon-Arizona State is on regional sports networks in Oregon and Arizona and nowhere else. Addicted To Quack, as you might imagine, is livid: That's right, the geniuses at Pac-10 headquarters have an awesome national slate for you instead. On ABC, you can see Oregon State take on USC. For the Fox Sports national game, you will see a pathetic Washington State team take on a ta[n]king Cal team. The two best teams in the conference? The BCS contenders? The national title contenders? Nowhere to be found.The answer, as per usual, is firing someone: The leadership in charge of this conference is a total joke. There is a reason that East Coast Bias exists--and its because nobody east of Arizona ever sees our games. It is beyond time for the current regime to go. I don't know how a woefully inadequate Tom Hansen has managed to keep his job for so long, but yesterday is not soon enough to fire him.Hey, I'm with AtQ, as every red-blooded college football fan looking forward to a #4 - #6 matchup should be. Where is FOX in this? What are they broadcasting on Saturdays that prevents them from airing wall-to-wall Pac-10 games? *probably not true. |
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USC. For the first time since 1880, USC is out of the national title picture before November. A nation turns its sympathetic eyes to Trojan fans dealing with the fact that being a USC fan can be "taxing at times," presumably in the same way that being Bill Gates involves some unpleasant tangles with the IRS. Anyway, it's not pretty at suddenly-mortal USC. Boi From Troy surveys the bowl possibilities ("you mean there are non-BCS bowls?"), coming up with this: The Most Likely Scenario ... Emerald Nuts Bowl!Would Arizona State please report to Los Angeles? You apparently picked up the wrong season in September. |
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| SEC |
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Kentucky. A theory: if you have Mississippi State in your conference and they beat two of your front-runners, your conference is not good at the football. Yeah. But that's another show. Here, we talk Kentucky, an odd thing to talk about, granted, but it's an odd season. Things at UK are different than other schools. For instance, this seems reasonable to ask: It should apparent why this guy can't remember a loss that destroyed a season like this one: there has never been anything to destroy before. Witness the first response: Im pretty sure losing to Ohio was worse. Not Ohio State but division II Ohio.Yeah ... Ohio? Not in Division II. In the MAC. It sucks very much that when I read "Ohio," I thought "really? Ohio? Freakin' Kentucky's worst loss ever is Ohio and we lost to Appalachian State?" This conversation is over. |
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| BIG EAST | ||
Pittsburgh managed to stall the "fire Kragthorpe" bandwagon for a week by losing to the suddenly hapless Cardinals. Nobody's got less hap than Wannstedt, though. The kicker: This draw ire from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette's Kevin Gorman, an Official Journalist Blogger that can't quite keep the derision in check: I have a question of my own: What the hell is so infuriating about asking to wear gold uniforms? Does everyone on Louisville's team have a relative killed by Goldfinger? As motivational tactics go, "Boys, they want to wear a color that is not the normal color they wear and what's more said color has nothing whatsoever to do with any of our colors or traditions!!!" seems ... perhaps ... tangential. |
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| BIG TWELVE | ||
Nebraska is a weekly feature here on Schadenfreude. Did you know that Nebraska defensive coordinator Kevin Cosgrove has his own FireCoachX site? He does: It is time for a change! 4 years is long enough, to put up with Cosgrove and his "Pinkskirt" mentality. It may even be time to ask is 4 years long enough to put up with Callahan and "The Fightless Callahans"? Is it time to say no to Pedeyocrity and Steve Pederson?Next up: FireStudentManagerCharlesWindborn.com. |
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| ACC |
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There's not much schadenfreude to be had here: VT's narrow loss was frustrating but against an undefeated team. There is, however, this guy who needs ulcer medication at TechSideline.com: ...losing games we SHOULD win just eats away at my soul. We shut them out for 56 minutes-and then find a way to snatch defeat out of the jaws of victory!! Josh "Hands of Stone" Morgan shouldn't play another down this season-a WR on the "hands" team who didn't even come close to handling the ball, he looked line a lineman for god's sake. It took months to get over the loss to a middle of the road SEC team in the Chicken bowl but this stings worse because we didn't gaff it away for the whole 2nd half-just the last 4 minutes (a mere 260 seconds). When I think about this game my stomach actually starts to turn and I feel like I could wretch? Am I the only one?No, you aren't. There's Matt Ryan, for one. |
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
10-29-2007 @ 4:38PM
KR said...
i'm a little surprised not to see PSU here. it's one thing to beat a team, it's another to force them to re-evaluate the standing of their program in the CFB landscape. see:
http://www.blackshoediaries.com/story/2007/10/29/92419/660
and
http://blog.pennlive.com/pennstatefootball/2007/10/white_out_cant_cover_this_mist.html
Reply
10-30-2007 @ 3:09AM
colin said...
Best birthday present ever
Unless that was an accidental AB reference.
Reply
10-30-2007 @ 3:10AM
colin said...
What the hell? There goes my html. There was a link to Good Eats dvds.
Reply