The_Big_Injured: Oh man, the other day I tried to put on a baseball glove. They're so weird. My fingers are only a few inches long, but the fingers on the glove are like twice as long.

The_Big_Injured: Then I found a left-handed glove. I was walking around with both gloves on at once, waving them around and going EDWARRRRD GLOVERHANDDDS. It was a joke about Edward Scissorhands, The Movie.

long_live_giambi: I don't know how those position players do it. They're like those freaks in the circus who walk and chew gum at the same time. All I know is, I'm never stepping on grass.

WordUpThome: A FORT-NIGHT AGO ME AND THE MISSUS WATCHED "FIELD FULL OF DREAMS" AND JIM EARL JONES WALKED TOO FAR OUT INTO THE OUTFIELD AND DISAPPEARED

WordUpThome: THE SAME THING HAPPENED TO MY FRIEND SCOTT PODSEDNIK, NOBODY HAS SEEN HIM IN YEARS

DO NOT GO INTO THE OUTFIELD

CorkyRomano: YAH ONE DAY SAMMY TRIE TO WALK TO CENER FIEL AN A SIGN CAME UP IN HIS BRAIN SAID "YOU HAVE REACH THE EN OF A MAP"

CorkyRomano: SAMMY KEP WALKING AN HE DIED AN RESPAWN ON HOM PLATE WITH A PISOL AN A CROBAR

GoldBonds: welllllp

WordUpThome: HI I'M JI

WordUpThome: JIM

WordUpThome: WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE LEAGUE OF THE AMERICAS

GoldBonds: no more NL for barry bonds, barry bonds had nothing to do with running around the outfield on these lord-cursed knees anymore, so i think i'm gonna be a designated hitter this year

this is the designated hitter league right

GoldBonds: as i understand it the dhl is all about deliverying johnny damon's fake beard from place to place in a timely fashion

The_Big_Injured: That's close enough to the truth.

GoldBonds: oh shut up tribal mr. clean, are you telling me i still have to bat and all that crap

GoldBonds: i want a job that lets me just lay around and do nothing

long_live_giambi: Hobo?

The_Big_Injured: Sports blogger?

CorkyRomano: DED PERSON

GoldBonds: forget it, this league is clown shoes

WordUpThome: NOW WAIT JUST AN EMANCIPATED MINUTE THAT NO LONGER IS WRONGLY OPPRESSED INTO PICKING COTTON

WordUpThome: IT'S NOT SO BAD BEING DESIGNATED HI

WordUpThome: HITTER

WordUpThome: THERE IS NO REASON FOR YOU TO BE DESIGNATED BI

WordUpThome: BITTER

WordUpThome: UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE A DESIGNATED QUI

WordUpThome: QUITTER

WordUpThome: AND WATCH YOUR MAJOR LEAGUED CAREER GO IN THE DESIGNATED SHI

WordUpThome: SHIP TO RETIREMENT LAND

The_Big_Injured: hahaha where the hell is "retirement land"

long_live_giambi: I don't know. Sammy, you get retired like four times a game. Where do you play?

CorkyRomano: INSIE OF MY MIND

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP