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So, are you looking for party info for Super Bowl parties in the Phoenix area? I'll tell you where the parties are at and give you something of what to expect. Because I like to be helpful and all.

Party Links.. Last year I gave you a ton of Super Bowl party links because I was going. This year, I'm not going so I am bitter and only giving you a few links. The best website to check out is SuperBowlPartyHQ.com to get links and interviews about the various parties this year. The Arizona Republic has this list of Super Bowl events. Skeets at Deadspin has identified at least two uh classic Super Bowl parties in the mix you might want to check out.

Celebrity Watching. Remember, you should never believe the hype. For example, just because a celebrity is a listed as a host/guest for a party, doesn't mean that he or she will actually go to the party. Last year, Terrell Owens was supposed to be going to tons of parties the same night. Even with his mad partying skillz, there is no way with the traffic in Miami that he could be at all of them.

That being said, if you are at enough parties and cool places around town, you will run into some very random people. For a while last year, I thought I was being stalked by Jeremy Piven because he seemed to be everywhere that I was at. Mr. Piven, of course, has no need to stalk me, as he usually had at least two women about his person at all times.

The funny thing about Super Bowl celeb watching, everyone is looking at everyone else trying to figure out whether they are famous. Especially the more obscure athletes who you can't recognize because they aren't wearing their uni. Or, reality program "celebs."

No Avoiding the Sausage Fest. All the parties claim that they will have plenty of beautiful scantily clad ladies at their event and it won't be mostly guys. All the parties lie.

It is a basic rule of supply and demand. If you are charging a ton of money because your party has the bestest nearly nekkid womens in it, women aren't going to pay huge bucks to get in. If women wanted to see a nekkid female, they would take their clothes off and stand in front of a mirror for free.

So basically, for most parties that you attend, the ratio of males to females is about oh 10:1, maybe even more guys than that at some parties. And most of the women you see will be paid to be there. In an AZ Republic article called, "Hired to be Hot," some experts suggest that 1,000 hot women will be hired to attend various Super Bowl functions. (I didn't know there were hot womens hiring experts, so I guess you learn something new every day).

I'm talking about paid-to-be-sexy and not paid-for-sex, as apparently as With Leather notes Phoenix police officers and the FBI are going to go undercover to stop prostitution. A Super Bowl without prostitution is like a Burger King without Whoppers. (Actually, after a Super Bowl party, I tried to get a Big Mac at 4:00amish, and they told me that they didn't do those on their late night menu. That's un-American).

From talking to party hosts last year, I understand that a lot of parties trade their hired females. That one group of females go from one party one night to someone else's party the next night. Even with the trading, the parties were pretty much sausage fests.

The Playboy party has what is known as their "pink ticket." You see, if they gave regular tickets to women, the women would resell them because that is the sensible thing to do. Instead, Playboy gives pink tickets to females they think would be party eye candy, and the ticket only allows a female in as long as they wear the dress code. Last year's dress code for females was "lingerie or less."

They should have written "no girdles" on the ticket as figure skater Oksana Baiul's outfit (right) demonstrated at last year's party.

In fact, the entire time my friend and I were in Miami, I don't think we ever met any non-hired females. It made for some strange situations. Like the time I went into the rest room at one Super Bowl party, and the models were all in there topless and touching each others chests and asking each other if their bolt-ons felt real or if they were the right size or did they go too big. I didn't participate in that conversation at all. No no and no. And nope, I didn't take any pictures.

You will likely see surreal things if you go to Super Bowl parties, but probably not that.

On VIP Sections and Party Size. If you are going to attend a party, it is much better to attend as a VIP than a plebeian. So if you have already decided to spend crazy money on a ticket, you might as well bump it up some.

From what I understand, a lot of times the best parties are the smaller ones that have some sort of live entertainment that breaks up the flow. Last year's Penthouse Party with Snoop Dogg was supposed to be big fun, but the Playboy Party was a bit of a snooze, unless you like tame parties in huge venues surrounded by ill-dressed corporate sponsors of Playboy.

To see what the huge Playboy party looked like last year, check out this YouTube video:

Basically, it's a huge arena with random selections of pillow fighting models and go go dancers. And the mostly guys walking around this huge arena looking up at the narrow VIP area.

Of course, if you choose to go to a party with a smaller more fun venue, you might want to show up slightly unfashionably early because a lot of Super Bowl parties end up getting too full and they shut down the lines to enter.

Going to the Super Bowl as a Regular Person. The reality is that a lot of the best parties are hard for regular peoples to go to because tickets aren't sold to those events. You have to know people to get in. And some of the parties you can buy tickets to, end up being lame. And unfortunately, it is hard to tell which parties are going to be the fun ones or the lame ones until you go.

Best Super Bowl Places to Be Are Random. The best Super Bowl party advice I got was that any party is going to be fun if you are with people you like. Some of the best times my friend and I had at the Super Bowl were not at huge parties with investment bankers who didn't know who was playing in the Super Bowl and wanted to impress you with their Ferrari collection. (Yawn, so you have a lot of money, you are still an insufferable bore). We had a lot more fun at cool hotel bars and restaurants where things were a little more quiet and we hung out with people that we knew and did fun people watching.

If you go to the cool bars, you will likely find quite the scene. To find out more Super Bowl surrealness, I suggest reading Matt Ufford's account of of the "Most Inexplicable Night of My LIfe" talking about last year's Super Bowl scene from the entertaining, often inexplicable and predictably profane Kissing Suzy Kolber blog.

Spread Out Party. Unlike the concentrated partying that happens in places like Miami and New Orleans, the partying in the Phoenix area is likely going to be very spread out.

What will be interesting about this party scene is whether people's golf games will be getting in the way of their partying. Even though there are some good party venues in Phoenix, the best thing in the area is their golf courses. I think that's the biggest plus of a AZ Super Bowl if you are a corporate sponsor or a golfer. I'm rather fond of the Boulders courses because they are pretty, and I shot low there.

With a spread out party, no good mass transit options and lots of people having to rent cars, all I can say for you AZ partiers is don't drink and drive. A cab is always less expensive than a DUI.

So for those of you who have managed to read to the end of this ramble, do you have any questions? And for those who have gone to Super Bowls, do you have any advice for party goers?

Oh, and I think there is also some game going on too. Get there early because security is hard to get through.
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