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No more than an hour ago (when Happy Gilmore accomplished that feat), PostmanR informed us of Andy Pettitte's petition to the House Oversight Committee, a petition he apparently hopes will let him skip the festivities Wednesday. R's right: Pettitte leaving off for greener pastures will surely rob us of some fun, but it won't just be of the shallow, look-at-Howard-Hughes-under-those-lights type. Pettitte's potential absence means the public will likely know less about Roger Clemens than they ought to. And that sucks.

Think about it: Pettitte's already stated that he'd prefer not to reveal negative information about Clemens to the public. Which means he knows negative information. About his friend. That he apparently already told prosecutors in a deposition. In the ludicrous war between Clemens lawyer's and Brian McNamee's people, McNamee now apparently has more vindication that he's telling the truth or some version therein.

But even more importantly, Andy Pettitte knows something negative. It could be anything! What if he saw Roger Clemens do everything outlined here, but for real this time?! What if he used to crush steroids into baby food, and feed it to Roger's pet dogs? I want to know about that, and have it laundered before an entire governmental committee. It's the only American thing to do.