A Handy Guide for Beginners: Dealing with Another Lost Season - FanHouse - AOL Sports Blog

Right about now there are a lot of teams, including my own, that are a foregone conclusion to miss the playoffs. It's a rite of spring in many places such as Long Island, Columbus and Florida. At the moment, there are a lot of fans out there wondering what exactly is going to keep them occupied until October, or at least the draft in June, since their teams aren't going to be around much longer. That's what I'm here for. I'm here to help. To try and ease you into summer or worse ... baseball season (ugh) ... here is a handy guide to try and get you through the off-season as quickly and painlessly as possible.

Tip #1: Scotch. Do not underestimate the usefulness of hard alcohol. Obviously it can be used as a dark liquid to numb the pain, but that's only if you're an alcoholic. For the rest of us, it can be used as an entertainment lubricant during the hot summer months. Embrace your inner pyro, take it outside and spill it on a non-flammable surface and viola, instant fun! It can also be used to run your car, although I can't vouch for its effectiveness.

Tip #2: Baseball. Baseball is a nice way to forget all about that horrible season of hockey you just endured. It's basically the alcohol free aphrodisiac of summer. Just go out to the ballpark, watch a game in the warm summer sun and let the sounds of inaction lull you to sleep. It's that easy.

Tip #3: Hibernation. You can always just go into hibernation and not leave your bedroom until hockey starts up again. This would probably have a horrible effect on your work and married life, but if you don't have either of those, then you're set and have nothing to worry about. See you in September!

Tip #4: Build a time machine. There's always one way to get rid of a boring present -- speed ahead to the promising future! All you have to do is build a time machine and zip ahead to next season. Heck, you could even go back in time and try to change seasons past. Just make sure you buy some stock for me while you're there, preferably that of Microsoft or Google.

Tip #5: Search for a cure for cancer. There's nothing that will take your mind off things faster than a nice age old problem that man cannot solve. If you're the OCD type, this is the solution for you. This problem will likely keep you occupied up to and even through next season, taking your mind off the crappy hockey season you endured.

Tip #6: Start blogging. There's nothing better than a little group therapy. Your blog is your bullhorn and the internet is your street corner. A great way to take away your pain is by forcing everyone else to deal with it! Heck, maybe some people will even be dumb enough to give you a job doing it (paying bloggers? ha!).