FanHouse

The latest news out of South Carolina is that quarterback Stephen Garcia is once again in trouble with The Man, this time for... get out your College Stupidity 8-Balls, readers... Underage Drinking! (hint: it's always underage drinking). As the AP reports, Garcia was one of three football players arrested for underage drinking near a campus dormitory ("Yes, the dorms! They'll never look for alcohol here!")

Worse, Garcia's older brother Jerry* was cited for providing beer for a minor, because if there's one thing holding society back, it's 20-year-olds with beer. Hard liquor we can totally understand, mind you; there's nothing worse than some idiot sophomore reeking of Curve for Men and Captain Morgan as he apologizes for knocking your drink over. But giving beer to underage college students should be fine. They just get happy and play video games. And vomit.

This is Garcia's third run-in with the law; he was arrested once for drunkenness about a year ago, then a month later was charged with keying a professor's car. Garcia, as you can probably imagine, was indefinitely suspended by The Ol' Ball-Coach; it lasted about a month. Spurrier is expected to announce the quarterback's fate with the team soon; it's hard to imagine he'll get dismissed for a victimless crime of impatience, but it's always a fool's endeavor to pretend to know what goes on in TOBC's mind. Sort of like Jesus, but with a visor.

We officially endorse a punishment of two weeks' suspension, heavy amounts of stairs in the morning, and a hand-written apology to Garcia's brother for ratting him out on giving the players beer. The answer is always, always the following: "We found it over there." Then you point somewhere. Must we teach you everything?

*not his brother's real first name