Octogenarians and above, feel free to disregard the following information, as it cannot possibly affect you: the Ohio State Buckeyes and Tennessee Volunteers have just finalized plans to play a home-and-home series.In light of their recent ineptitude against SEC opponents, this would appear to be a foolish decision on Ohio State's part; the Buckeyes haven't beaten an SEC team since 1988. That win against LSU was their only victory against the SEC since well before WWII. Meanwhile, Ohio State is still winless against the same conference in bowl games, all nine losses coming within the last 30 years. So yes, SEC speeeeeeed! and all that.
But fear not, Bucknuts: All of that is ancient history, completely worthless. Why? Because the games won't even be played for another decade. Yes, the athletic departments at both Ohio State and Tennessee have taken the unusually presumptive stance that Earth as we know it will still exist 10 years from now, Manbearpig be damned, and scheduled the series for 2018 and 2019.
This gives the Buckeyes 10 years to figure out how to slow down an SEC opponent (Answer: tasers. Dozens of them. Five on Percy Harvin alone) and once again be competitive in a game that is creeping past them like a glacier--slow, but totally unstoppable. Meanwhile, quarterbacks will be able to see probabilities in their Lexan visor, and 25-yard end zones, and... oh wait, I'm getting ahead of myself.
Still, 10 years is a long time for a football program to evolve (or, as with Nebraska, decompose), and entropy suggests that this matchup may bear little resemblence to its current state. And that's all assuming Skynet lets us keep playing football at all. Vicious haters, they.


Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
3-27-2008 @ 10:31PM
Wes said...
I love it Adam!! What a great and soo true blog. Keep it up Adam....anything you can think of for those SUCKEYES!!
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3-27-2008 @ 10:32PM
paul said...
Adam, you know about as much about football as Obama knows about politics. According to your logic, only white guys should be PResident since they have been for the last 200+ . Go do something with your life, you bum!
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3-27-2008 @ 10:36PM
paul said...
Jacobi, I've finally figured out your type. Your still bitter that the North whipped the SOuth in the Civil war so you find stupid stuff like this to write about that is meaningless. You know nothing about sports.. and speed , go find something else to do with your life, you bum!
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3-27-2008 @ 11:38PM
tanning lotion said...
I think it is the hair of the dog mentality. Good for them.
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3-27-2008 @ 11:41PM
tanning lotion said...
Ohio State needs to win in the SEC before they can win a National Championship.
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3-28-2008 @ 12:14AM
George B Vieto said...
May if Ohio State played a playoff game in the Big Ten instead of waiting two months to play a SEC team in the championship game they would win.
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3-28-2008 @ 7:22AM
Scalz1 said...
This is very odd. I am a Michigan fan, and am actually giving "The University of Ohio State" some credit here. They are actually scheduling someone with a pulse, unlike most other top tier teams. Texas, USC, and now UT are all quality opponents. They'll probably lose, but at least it won't be to a 1 AA team.
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3-28-2008 @ 8:16AM
Terry said...
Ohio State made it back to the big game ...where was florida? where will LSU play this yr? orlando or tampa.ohio state puts more on the future of these kids,who turns ou the most pro's year after year?who has the best record over the last 3-5 years?they play teams like texas,usc and tenn during the regular season...who does the sec play? duke?
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3-28-2008 @ 9:29AM
brent said...
plus the fact all you buckeye haters better get used to it because the scarlet and grey is going back to the big this coming up season as well. see you there biatches.
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3-28-2008 @ 10:16AM
stevied said...
the sec is a great conference, in my opinion the best, but as far as LSU goes, without Bo Pelini the will barely see the top 10 with Miles. And as far as OSU, you have to get to the big game to win the big game, that's right the O-H-I-O connection, Tressel, Stoops, Pelini, Mangino, and so on. Win or lose OSU will be in the big game for some time to come.
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3-28-2008 @ 10:35AM
ClassicKool said...
The long layoff after the Michigan game doesn't help against top tier teams. SEC speed is impressive and your timing against this level of competition has to be on the mark. The Buckeyes are fielding a top level squad this year and may have an opportunity to quiet their critics once again.
Go Bucks!
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3-28-2008 @ 10:59AM
Brandon said...
Too bad Michigan didn't wise up and schedule against SEC teams, since they can actually beat them consistently
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3-28-2008 @ 12:39PM
mike said...
that's very true that ohio state made it to the big game and flordia didn't. but a sec team was there and they put it ohio state. and if you wanna get technical southern cal has put more players in the NFL not ohio state sorry you didnt know that perhaps you should get your facts right before you open your mouth
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3-28-2008 @ 12:48PM
Phillip Myers said...
Ohio State got royally screwed in the latest national championship. The officiating was ATROCIOUS. A clearcut touchdown was called back by an official blocked from a clear view. The score would have been OSU 17 and LSU 0. LSU then blocked a field goal and went on to score. That two touchdown swing was the margin of the game. In other instances after OSU stopped LSU cold, the LSU punter ran up and into an Ohio State player. The official gave them 15 yards and another first down. They then scored. Ohio State was called for personal fouls five times, which was about what they had all season. With fair officiating Ohio State would have won, perhaps by a large margin. So don't give us that crap anymore.
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3-28-2008 @ 1:41PM
dennis_murphy4 said...
yeah usc has put out more nfl players but the facts are that osu puts out more players in the nfl then any sec team, osu could have beat lsu if they remembered that there is 4 quarters in a game, not 1. if osu beats usc and it is possible, they will be unbeatable, they are looking like the florida team of 2 years ago with the 2 qb system but no chris leak.
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3-28-2008 @ 2:28PM
Dave said...
I suppose an SEC fan/graduate would find this article fairly lighthearted and funny. A Big Ten/OSU fan/graduate might be naturally sensitive and agitated. The truth lies in the center of two contradictions.OSU is a great institution with a long and storied history of academic and athletic achievement. Florida and the SEC also have great academics and athletics. Both are exceptional in many ways. The great equalizer lies in the invention of the superior institution...Florida invented Gatorade and beat OSU in Basketball AND football. Case closed. CYA in New York!
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3-28-2008 @ 3:29PM
Terry said...
the duke comment was a joke...but i can't figure whats worse,losing to app state or losing to the team they beat...right florida?(thats refering to michigan for you clever sec guys)
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3-28-2008 @ 4:00PM
III said...
You are right that Michigan beat Florida. Even the announcers/coaches said that Michigan played the "greatest game of their lives" that day. Don't get me wrong, they were INCREDIBLE!!! But do remember that they had to play better than they ever had in order to barely beat the number 4 worst team in the SEC this year. Several teams in the SEC beat Florida this year. But that only serves to prove the point that the "best (or 2nd best) team in the Big 10" still has to be amazing to keep up with just another SEC team. It's not that the SEC fans aren't clever Terry...it's just that you aren't particularly bright...or funny for that matter.
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3-28-2008 @ 4:02PM
Paul said...
The SEC plays the SEC. Auburn, UGA, LSU, Kentucky, Alabama, Florida, etc. Duke is in the ACC. Just because OSU made it to twice in a row playing a weak schedule does not mean they were any good. The best schedule in the last 3-5 against a weak schedule does not mean they were any deserving of the NC game. The article was not about who turns the most players pro. It was about the OSU playing the SEC. The OSU has players that turn pro but don't make a big impact because their talent was against weak opponents in college (Ted Ginn). Football in the south is just different. Example: Alabama football will have probably close to 90 or 100 THOUSAND people attend this spring's TEAM SCRIMMAGE GAME. They have to buy tickets to this game, it is not free. I do not like Alabama, I am a UGA fan, but football is different in the south. I grew up in the north and football did not have the same feel as it does here. The county that I live in has a population of @40,000 and it is not uncommon to have over 10,000 at a high school game each Friday. I am sure that there are examples of football spirit from the north as well, but I have lived north and south and there is a difference. I do like watching the OSU/MICH game each year as well as the TX/OK game. Oh crap the boss I am done.
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3-28-2008 @ 6:47PM
Dale said...
Cheer up, writer...just because it hasn't been done yet doesn't mean someday you can't have a brain transplant. The one you are trying to use is obviously nonfunctional.
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