FanHouse

As we await the beginning of the NBA Playoffs on April 19, team mascots explain why their team will win. Next up: Washington's G-Wiz.

Hey hey hey, kids. G-Wiz, representing D.C. on FanHouse. Representing America's capital. Think about that: I'm the only NBA mascot representing America. You going to root against America, America? I did not think so. If you do root for LeBron, you are a defeatist and you are giving comfort to the enemy. You root against the Wizards, representing the capital city of America, and you had might as well urinate on Lady Liberty or the Big Boy. Shame on you. Shame on you, Cleveland.

Check out how patriotic I am, hand over the chest during the anthem. You know how few mascots show this simplest of respects to our country? You think Lucky can pull himself away from the bottle long enough to show a little respect to the Red, White and Blue? You think Moondog can take two seconds apart from chasing skirts to take his damn hat off and listen to interpretations of our oral national pride? Don't even get me started on that Molson-lovin' dinosaur ... his short arms don't even reach his chest! Moron.

It's clear, America, the Wizards are the only choice this year. Are you going to vote for the same old status quo? Or are you going to embrace change? Vote with your hearts, America ... and when I say hearts I mean your American hearts, that love liberty and freedom and the Washington Wizards. Vote 'Zards 2008, and we will win.

Previous FanHouse Expert Predictions:
The Raptor | The Phoenix Gorilla | Moondog | Hugo the Hornet | Coyote | Lucky

Covering our ass: This is, in fact, parody.