As we await the beginning of the NBA Playoffs on April 19, team mascots explain why their team will win. Next up: Orlando's Stuff, apparently a magic dragon who moonlights as a kangaroo boxer.
Get your cod-dammed fist outta my schnoz, Jack! Don't you know who I am? ... No? Oh. Sorry. I'm Stuff, yeoman mascot for the Orlando Magic. Other mascots, you'll notice, are one or maybe two colors. I have twelve shades of fur. Dragons aren't even supposed to have fur! That's just how superlative representatives of the Orlando Magic organization are. Everyone from Stan Van Gundy on down to Dancer Royce ... we're all in it to win it.
Everyone lauged at the Rashard Lewis signing. Ha ha ha! Ha! So funny, huh? "$118 million blah blah overpaid blah blah blah bidding against themselves mwa ha ha." Who's laughing now? You think the Seattle Supersonics are laughing now? (Yes. -- Ed.) Remember how everyone ripped the renouncing of Darko? How'd that work out, Memphis? Having fun with the Darko era? Got a nice little twin-towers thing going with Gasol, eh? Blocking some shots, scoring some hoops there? Stopping opponents in the lane, yeah? Playing a little defense, building for the future? How's that coming? Still working on the blueprint? Still mulling things over? Yeah?
Question The Great Otis Smith at your own peril, b&$@#es.
Previous FanHouse Expert Predictions:
The Raptor | Gorilla | Moondog | Hugo the Hornet | Coyote | Lucky | G-Wiz | Former Laker Girl
Covering our ass: This is, in fact, parody.
ADVERTISEMENT
_thumbnail.jpg "NASCAR Cowboy Hats")
