Baseball is America's pastime, but had our forefathers enjoyed the modern conveniences of clocks, ball pumps, or haste, this pastime may well have been basketball or football. Instead, they had wood, leather, and a rudderless disposition. Baseball is Boring is a series of live blogs for folks who need irony and self-awareness to get through a game.
We're kicking off this series with a Phillies-Brewers day game of minimal consequence. Today's live blog hosts are Jon Bois and Nick Dallamora. Jamie Moyer has a booger in his nose.
THE ESSENTIALS
The Phillies (11-11) start Jamie Moyer (1-1, 4.79 ERA).
The Brewers (13-8) start Jeff Suppan (1-0, 4.13 ERA).
ANALYSIS
Etymologically, the word "Phillies" derives from "Philadelphians." It's difficult to say whether a Philadelphian would defeat a brewer in combat, as I'm pretty sure several Philadelphians are themselves brewmakers. Consequently, let's interpret "Phillies" phonetically and consider a young female horse. Have you heard the joke about the guy who walks into a bar with a horse and bets the brewer $100 that he can make it laugh? The brewer responds by starting Suppan, who pitches six solid innings.
PREDICTION
Brewers over Phillies, 6-2.
QUICK NOTE ABOUT THIS LIVE BLOG
From here forth, our banal and worthless commentary can be read in the box below. It updates much like a one-way instant messenger conversation does, which means you do not need to keep refreshing the page. Feel free to comment in the box at the bottom -- if your sentiment is funny or poorly-informed enough, we may just post it in the blog. Enjoy!
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