It took baseball decades to ban amphetamines, years to do anything about steroids and they still haven't figured out a reliable way to deal with HGH. Bottled water, though? Don't worry, it won't be bothering baseball anymore. It has to be the environment, right? All those plastic bottles being flown about the world create a mighty big carbon footprint and, as we learned earlier this week, Earth is the best hitter in the solar system. We've gotta protect her the way the Red Sox protect Big Papi with Manny. So honoring Gaia has to be the reason why the Yankees found a sign warning them not to take bottled water with them to the dugout in Chicago this week, right?
You're not that gullible, are you?
Gatorade is Major League Baseball's "official sports drink." So instructions were sent that no player could be seen drinking anything but Gatorade in the dugout. Not even Aquafina, which is the "official water" of MLB. Not even bottles of water with the labels removed.
Water. 2 H's and an O. The natural liquid that makes up most of our bodies is banned while sugary, salty Gatorade is portrayed as the drink of choice for American athletes. The Yankees removed all the junk food from the clubhouse only to find they've got no choice once they hit the dugouts.White Sox clubhouse personnel said if players take bottled water onto the bench, all the bottled water will be removed from the clubhouse as punishment.
Why stop there? That nice green grass at the Cell surely craves some electrolytes. Seriously, people, Idiocracy was a movie not a how-to guide for the future.
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Reader Comments ( Page 1 of 1)
1. This is retarded.
Posted at 1:39PM on Apr 24th 2008 by bet the super bowl
2. What about putting water in a flask? That should solve the problem
Posted at 2:08PM on Apr 24th 2008 by Colin
3. What about water in a gatorade bottle
Posted at 3:32PM on Apr 24th 2008 by DC
4. How about the players bring their own bottled water to the game
Posted at 5:24PM on Apr 24th 2008 by rob
5. Dude, your the best writer on this site....
Posted at 7:41PM on Apr 24th 2008 by Greg
6. Another case of MLB selling thier soul for a buck.
Its a good thing fruit of the loom isnt a offical sponser or they would have to check thier jockeys for violations. MLB would let you kick thier mother if they could make a buck.
Posted at 7:53PM on Apr 24th 2008 by Pat