FanHouse

The Dugout: This Week in Baseball

THIS

IS WHERE THE POWER LIIIIIIES

Join host Mel Allen as he takes a look back at the stories that mattered in the world of Major League Baseball this week on "This Week in Baseball," conveniently presented in the form of a chatroom transcript for those of you reading AOL Sports' "Fanhouse" blog, and presented in HD on certain cable systems you live nowhere even close to getting.

/TWIB opening music

The Dugout

MelallenDrive: Hello there everybody, I'm Mel Allen, and welcome to the This Week in Baseball Chatroom!
MelallenDrive: The Washington Nationals weren't around when I was alive, and even *I* know they're terrible! But this week, Coach Manny got his "Acta" together!
**Online Host**
Welcome to the Washington Nationals Chatroom!
ActaFool: Now Nick, don't struggle, you're just going to make things worse.
NickStickly: But it tick-ullllllls /squirms
**Online Host**
SteakGrowsOnDmitri has entered the chatroom.
SteakGrowsOnDmitri: look at lil nick, gettin he ass whoop by some lil indian lady
ActaFool: That's our team massuese, Dmitri, she's here to help straighten out the backs of all the fat people on this team. You're up next.
SteakGrowsOnDmitri: ma' seuss huh /looks her up and down
Masseuse: /starts to feel kind of weird about things
SteakGrowsOnDmitri: ay manny, she gone end my massage wit a fun dip
ActaFool: you aren't talking about the candy with the straws, are you
SteakGrowsOnDmitri: nope
ActaFool: Dmitri, this woman is a licensed massage-therapist, we have nothing but respect for her and her profession, so if you're suggesting that she'd-

SteakGrowsOnDmitri: ease up, you think i some kind a ape from magilla to disrespec a woman like that

n***a please, i'm a grown ass man

ActaFool: My apologies!
Masseuse: Please lay down on the table!
SteakGrowsOnDmitri: aight bitch but when you finish you betta finish wit a happy ending
NickStickly: Oh, you mean like when the good guys win and the boy and girl get married and live happily ever after?
SteakGrowsOnDmitri: haha nope
MelallenDrive: how about that!
MelallenDrive: Things weren't so happy this week over in Chicago, where the White Sox ran into some controversy in the clubhouse!
**Online Host**
Welcome to the Chicago White Sox Chatroom!
WordUpThome: WHAT EXACTLY ARE WE DOING TO THESE BALLOON LADIES
OzzieOzzieOzzie: Don't get bent out of shape about it, it's a harmless joke, I'm trying to get us out of this slump.
BlowUpDoll: /humps ineffectually in the presence of Bobby Jenks
WordUpThome: COULDN'T WE JUST TAKE MORE BATTING PRACTICE

WordUpThome: HEY LOOK MR. GUILLEN THE BOY VERSION LOOKS LIKE YOU

MelallenDrive: how about also that!
MelallenDrive: Up next, This Week in Baseball takes a look back at the 1980s, when baseball wasn't so much about sex jokes, with star pitcher Roger Clemens!
**Online Host**
Welcome to the Circa 1988 Or So Chatroom!
28LOL: so you want me to do what, exactly
MillionDollarMan: Well the answer to that is simple, Roger Clemens! I want you to hurt the Barber in a way that the Million Dollar can't... by hurting his heart!
28LOL: and why am i doing this again

LesserWorksOfVirgil: /opens fed ex package

/fans out large wad of dollar bills

MillionDollarMan: Because everybody's got a price! HAHAHAHAH!

**Online Host**
EXT. Brutus Beefcake's home.

Everything is peaceful and quiet, until, suddenly...

28LOL: /rushes out of front door wearing nothing but a towel
WeightGain4000: /gives chase with enormous pair of scissors
MelallenDrive: in addition to what we've already seen, how about that
MelallenDrive: Before we go, let's take a look into the New York Yankees Clubhouse, a clubhouse I can count on to provide a non-sexual, non-violent image for the fans this week.
**Online Host**
Welcome to the New York Yankees Chatroom!
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /eye twitches
CaesersButthole: Niko! My cousin! I can't believe you're here! Welcome to America!
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: zdravo burazeru
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: i mean wait, what
CaesersButthole: We're going to the top, Niko. Soon, even you will forget about the old country.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /shakes head

hokum crow how long have i been playen this f*cken game

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: hey rod, werent we spost to be playen the indians tonight

where is everybody, where am i spost to go

E5_rod: GET TO THE BANK IN PALOMINO CREEK
MelallenDrive: In conclusion, "how about that"

MelallenDrive: yes, how about all of that

/looks around

MelallenDrive: ah well, I guess bein' dead isn't so bad
Photos link to player info. (Photo Credit: Getty Images) WordUpThome.com

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

ADVERTISEMENT
Play Fantasy Football
ADVERTISEMENT