The most docile photo I could find of Farnsworth and I still had to crop out a middle finger.Big thanks to Will at Deadspin for the preemptive hat tip this afternoon. He knows how big of fans we are of Kyle and his antics, so when it was made public that he enjoys baking we, of course, obliged. This may not be as Dugoutly poetic as, say, pounding Paul Wilson's face into hamburger mush, but damn it's pretty close.
Here's to you, big guy. We love you.
The Dugout
| **Online Host** Welcome to Yankees Chat! | |
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MissMyBeardo: wad abowd if i sing a wock an woll song wood dat make you feel bedda fwend |
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JobaToTheStars: no |
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AbreuInHalf: Want to download a bunch of malicious content onto Girardi's laptop? That's always fun. Maybe attempt a government security breach? |
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JobaToTheStars: no |
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JetersNeverProsper: Alright, step aside guys. I'm the captain, so this is my responsibility. |
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JetersNeverProsper: You want to play grabass for a couple of hours? |
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JobaToTheStars: /sigh |
| **Online Host** pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth has entered the chat room | |
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JetersNeverProsper: Well it's about time. Where have you been? |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: bow in the presents of lateness jeter jeter peter eater |
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JetersNeverProsper: See, this is why you're a jerk. I go through all the trouble of changing my screen name and you still make that stupid joke. |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: well maybe next time yule remember to change your facedbooks interists from the chronicals of nardnia to somethin a lil less very freaken gay |
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JobaToTheStars: /sough |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: what in the ladyfarts has gotten into fatard |
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JetersNeverProsper: Ah, well Goose Gossage gave it to him in the press this week. Said he didn't think the way he shows his emotions on the mound was very professional. |
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JobaToTheStars: /sniff he's my idol |
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AbreuInHalf: We've all been trying to cheer him up, but nothing works. We tried everything! |
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JetersNeverProsper: We really need him to pitch, too. We're in last place in the AL East and Hank Steinbrenner said that if we're not in first by tomorrow we're going to be sorry. |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: dont any of you numbfarts know nothin about fats indigernous to the motherland fatemala their master chief exporks include richard simins tapes and lookin disgusten when they eat ribs. their currency is the mcnuggit. |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: knock knock bitches fats like to get fatted give him some food |
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JobaToTheStars: /ears perk |
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AbreuInHalf: Good idea! Here you go, Joba. It's a california roll wrapped in extra kelp. |
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JobaToTheStars: blech |
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JetersNeverProsper: I'd help, but I'm on a diet. All I've got is rice cakes and laxatives. |
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MissMyBeardo: wan some a muh candy abble /yanks candy apple from hair |
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JobaToTheStars: that's disgusting |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: i cant farkin believe you chumps get payed a frakin dime bein so stuped this man needs sugery crap stat |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /dumps crap into bowl /punches crap |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /punches crap |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /punches crap |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /punches crap |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: alright i think thats enough /sticks crap into oven |
| **Online Host** 40 minutes later | |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: eat this porkys the movie |
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JobaToTheStars: mmm! this is good! |
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JetersNeverProsper: /eats cookie Wow, they really are good. You can bake, Kyle? |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: i already know the answer to this but lets ask for shats do you know nothin about getten chicks or is this a giganterc front |
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JetersNeverProsper: It's just...I never figured you for much of a chef. |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: its the only way i get invitedt to bring your dad or uncle mailman to school day |
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JetersNeverProsper: Aw, that's something. I've never seen this side of you before. You're almost an ok guy. |
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pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: you make another pass at me and ill crackt your skull with damons cinter block frontle lobe |
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Reader Comments ( Page 1 of 1)
1. Stuck between whether "what in the ladyfarts has gotten into fatard" or "eat this porkys the movie" is my new favorite Dugout line.
Posted at 9:20AM on May 16th 2008 by Mike Fireball
2. Did you know Kyle Farnsworth and Jacoby Ellsbury (among many other) are Mormon? it's crazy I know but wow. It just makes these things that much more funny.
Posted at 10:31AM on May 16th 2008 by Andrew
3. laughter, then extreme sadness, they joy, covered in tears
Posted at 3:33PM on May 16th 2008 by flittbuoy
4. well it's about time this got on the dugout. i knew about this weeks ago, and figured it would be a topic back then.
Posted at 7:03PM on May 16th 2008 by steph
5. this story is two months old, and you just got around to it now?
Posted at 7:04PM on May 16th 2008 by steph
6. this story is 2 months old and one hour old and you just got around to it now?
Posted at 8:24PM on May 16th 2008 by steph