The life of a Division I student-athlete is, to be sure, difficult. They must balance a schedule that includes class, homework, practice, and if Purdue safety Torri Williams is any indication, MINDBLOWING UNHOLY AMOUNTS OF SEXUAL INTERCOURSE.
Williams was arrested Wednesday after allegedly stealing condoms from a local grocery store, which leads us to believe that the combined strain of strict NCAA amateurism guidelines and his sizable carnal obligations broke his bank. Perhaps he was unclear on the way condom distribution works; just because Planned Parenthood gives them away doesn't mean they're free everywhere, sadly.
Confounding matters is the fact that this isn't Williams' first transgression; he is currently on probation after pleading guilty to an OWI in December (Bonus gratuitous Purdue smear: he was driving from a nightclub where former teammate Selwyn Lymon was stabbed that night!), so that just might be more bad news.
Outgoing Purdue head coach Joe Tiller has suspended Williams indefinitely, which means he may now focus his attention on reclaiming good legal standing. Oh, and the fifty-seven young ladies right over there waiting to have tantric circus sex with him. He may focus on them too.
ADVERTISEMENT
_thumbnail.jpg "NASCAR Cowboy Hats")
Reader Comments ( Page 1 of 1)
1. Don't schools provide free condoms for their students?
Posted at 7:32PM on May 18th 2008 by Buster Hymen
2. They give them away for free at student health too.
Posted at 11:22AM on May 24th 2008 by I suck