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After a stellar playing career, Britain's Peter Alliss, 77, graduated to the broadcast booth. He was a very good golfer, and he might be an even better broadcaster. But like a lot of old-timers, Alliss is set in his ways, and at times can be a tad crotchety. Take, for example, his comments about the field in last week's BMW Championship in Wentworth, England.

Apparently, a lot golfers in the field were complaining about the state of the greens, something Alliss, who no doubt remembers the days of putting on dirt, took issue with. Countryman Nick Dougherty, 52 years Alliss' junior, shot back at Alliss for, as the Telegraph writes, "his lack of compassion for those battling the conditions." Yes, because it was just like climbing Everest.

"I thought [Alliss' comments were] very sad - in fact, I thought it was disgusting," Dougherty said.

"I wish we could have taken him out there and shown him how difficult it was. In October the greens are stunning but they're seedy at this time of the year and make the putts wobble."

Good Lord, somebody get a violin. Alliss' response was as you might expect: grumpy.

"Take him out and show him how hard it is?' - Christ Almighty." ... "I'm not here to do anything but to say what's going on and they didn't play well. I know precisely how hard it is. I won 21 tournaments and played in eight Ryder Cups. Everyone's so bloody delicate now. They control spin, they control adrenalin. I've never heard so much twaddle. I always say golfers of 100 years ago were 10 times more skilful than this lot or me and my lot...

They had hickory clubs, the bunkers weren't raked, there were sheep on the course and a fellow cut the greens with a scythe. Yet still they went round St Andrews in 73 or 74."

So, yeah, modern-day golfers, quit your bloody bellyaching about bumpy greens before Alliss beats you about the head with a niblick.

Perhaps the most amazing thing to come of all this: nobody called Nick Faldo a wanker.