FanHouse

Among the greatest travesties of this past season has been the rambutan-like Donna Shalala abandoning the Orange Bowl and moving the Miami Hurricanes to Dolphins Stadium. Sure, the Orange Bowl was an old, creaking facility that hadn't actually hosted the "Orange Bowl" since 1999, and not regularly since 1995. Yes, the control room once caught fire. It was still the OB, the lovable old deathtrap of college football. And they served beer.

Recognizing the need for significant accommodations, Dolphins Stadium announced their plan for Hurricanes games to the Miami-Herald. The laundry list is far too long to share here, but rest assured it's as expansive as Canes fans could have hoped for in light of seeing their venerable stadium cast aside and demolished.

Chief among the updates are concealing the Dolphins' Ring of Fame with a removable wrap that celebrates the storied history of the U, and a continuation of the OB's alcohol policy, where fans may buy beer until the end of halftime.

Wise move, committee members. While it's neat that you're offering "more formalized player autographs than we've ever done" or whatever, you're welcoming fans who spent decades in a stadium made of concrete, Elmer's glue, exposed nails, and fear. Give them a sanitized stadium 14 miles from campus and take away their booze, and rest assured, they will not come.