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NBA Frankenstein: Robin Lopez

FanHouse's NBA Frankenstein, in which we describe how draft prospects were created. Introducing: lesser of two weevils Robin Lopez.



Liner notes: An epic YouTube; the slam poetry of Jarron Collins; the most disturbing Sports Illustrated profile in at least two years; Ty Keenan's irrepressible Pac-10 Basketball knowledge; Josh Childress's Mack Dad Bible, left in Locker 1b.

Photos by Getty Images. Assemblage by Tom Ziller.

NBA Frankenstein: Brook Lopez

FanHouse's NBA Frankenstein, in which we describe how draft prospects were created. Introducing: future greatest Stanford twin of all time Brook Lopez.



Liner notes: The most disturbing Sports Illustrated profile in at least two years; George Orwell's 1984; Tom Cruise's annotated script for Cocktail; Insider access to UsWeekly.com; Barbara Walters's cell number.

Photos by Getty Images. Assemblage by Tom Ziller.

Dwyane Wade Will Do the Official Derrick Rose/Michael Beasley Happy Dance

Since Dwyane Wade hasn't been able to do anything relevant to the game of basketball for many months, he and the Heat figure he might as well act the part of the figurehead. Wade will represent the Miami Heat at the NBA Lottery next Tuesday, May 20th, during the televised announcement of the results on ESPN.

The Heat have 250 of the 1,000 viable 4-number combinations available in the official drawing, which is held two and a half hours before the televised announcement, making them the frontrunner for the #1 spot. It's important for Miami's season ticket drive that Wade maintains an active, positive role as the face of the franchise. This provides him an opportunity to show that he is committed to the future of the Heat, as he welcomes the probable opportunity to draft one of the two top players available in the draft, either one of which would help the Heat tremendously next season. Wade is currently recovering from (another) knee injury in Chicago, but feels he should be healthy enough to martyr himself play in the Olympic games this summer.

If the Heat manage to walk out with what is statistically probable for them, it could be the start of a new era in Miami. If the Heat somehow manage to fall out of the top two picks? It's not going to be good for that whole "Dwyane Wade is NOT cursed" sentiment.

NBA Frankenstein: Derrick Rose

FanHouse's NBA Frankenstein, in which we describe how draft prospects were created. Introducing: the Black Steve Nash, Derrick Rose.



Liner notes: J.R.R. Tolkein's The Similarian; Nas's Illmatic; tape of Memphis's April 5 Final Four game against UCLA; Rose's DraftExpress profile.

Photos by Getty Images. Assemblage by Ziller.

Watch Your Back, Beasley -- Here Comes Zach Feinstein

File this under the "I wish I'd come up with it first but it probably shouldn't ever happen again" department: Zach Feinstein, a student at Washington University in St. Louis, has applied and been accepted for early entry into the NBA draft. The catch is that Zach, well, he's not so much slammed full of what you might call "upside."

He is a 5'8", weighs a buck-thirty, and claims under the "Scouting Report" section at his website that his weaknesses are "Lacks Actual Basketball Skills, Ability, and Experience". Zach, in other words, is probably not good at basketball. But Zach found a pretty funny, albeit logical, loophole in the NBA's Collective Bargaining Agreement, in that he actually met the requirements for eligibility.
It was at that point decided - I must write a letter to the NBA declaring my intent to be drafted. Using my best legalese I crafted such a letter.

[...]Finally on April 1, I got a reply - a letter in my mailbox from the NBA. But this was no April Fools' joke. They were letting me into the NBA Draft.
After filling out a few more forms, Zach can now find his name on both Draft Express and NBA Draft.net. Now, he's probably not getting drafted, unless Billy Knight sees something at a workout feels like making a funny. But it is simultaneously a hysterical and secretly ominous story that will probably end up getting some major media play.

NBA Frankenstein: Michael Beasley

FanHouse's NBA Frankenstein, in which we describe how draft prospects were created. Introducing: future Rookie of the Year Michael Beasley.



Liner notes: A 2007 Washington Post profile of Beasley, a YouTube'd high school dunk on Gerald Henderson, Pomeroy's Kansas State scouting report, FanHouse's NBA Draft Watch, Derrick Coleman's Wikipedia page, Paula Deen's recipe for Cheesy Broccoli Bake.

Photos by Getty Images. Assemblage by Tom Ziller.

DJ Augustin Will Declare for Draft, but Won't Sign With Agent

University of Texas sophomore DJ Augustin is expected to announce his intentions to enter the NBA Draft today, according to a source for the Austin American Statesman. Augustin, last seen struggling against Memphis guard Derrick Rose in the Elite 8, is expected not to hire an agent, in an effort to protect himself in the event of a draft-impacting injury.

Augustin averaged 19 points for the Longhorns this season, and is considered one of the top point guards available in this year's draft, if he does indeed follow through with his eligibility. Currently his stock lands him as low as24th and as high as 7th.

Augustin's biggest knock is his size. At 5-11, he could suffer against taller, more athletic guards like Rose at the pro-level. But this deficit is overcome by his strength, savvy, quickness, and ability to distribute, which should land Augustin somewhere in the top half of the draft with a few solid workouts.

Top Draft Pro$pect: Candace Parker?

As half the league starts preparing for the NBA draft in June, it's worth noting that despite all the talent we'll see wear bad suits and ballcaps, none have near the commercial potential as last year's crop led by Kevin Durant and Greg Oden. A few weeks ago, on occasion of the WNBA draft, Seattle Times scribe Percy Allen offered the hypothesis new L.A. Sparks star Candace Parker might be more profitable away from the hardwood than any NBA prospects coming out this season.
"She'll add value to the endemic sponsors who want to leverage her professional career for the sale of sport-inspired shoes and apparel," said Paul Swangard, managing director of Oregon's Warsaw Sports Marketing Center. "She's a potential once-in-a-generation type of player.

"This is a gal who beat men in a slam-dunk contest when she was in high school," he continued. "She's got an urban-legend appeal ... and she may have the ability to transcend her sport. She has the opportunity to be relevant to people whether they are WNBA fans or not."
Allen also notes NBA uber-agent Aaron Goodwin (the champion of last year's Durant battle royale) might skip courting any NBA prospects this year in order to focus on Parker, whom is his client.

Parker may well be the LeBron of the WNBA. But her bigger starring role could come in doing for women's sports (not just basketball) what Tiger Woods has done for golf: legitimizing it for the everyman. It's a near-impossible project, but Parker's the best candidate we'll ever have.

Previously on Fanhouse:
Candace Parker to Bolt Early for the WNBA

Top Foreign Prospect -- Gallinari -- Enters Draft

While again there's a bumper crop of NCAA freshmen ready to battle for slots in the 2008 draft, the international imports seem lacking. There might be only one foreign-bred player in the top 14 selections this season, that player being Italy's Danilo Gallinari. He told HoopsHype this morning he will enter the draft.

Gallinari is a slashing 6'9 swingman, maybe a less athletic Caron Butler or a bigger but slower Manu Ginobili, or Corey Maggette with his head up. Chad Ford says he's considered to be a better prospect than Andrea Bargnani, which may or may not be a compliment. DraftExpress has his comps as Hedo Turkoglu and Mike Dunleavy Jr.; NBADraft.net goes with Detlef Schrempf.

Fran Fraschilla should be well-versed in all things Gallinari by June 26 because, like last year, Dani might be the only non-collegiate player in the lottery. Only five internationals went in the entire first round in '07 (with only Yi Jianlian in the lotto). 2006's draft had three in the lottery, including Bargnani at the top. 2005 saw two (neither of whom -- Fran Vasquez and Yaroslav Korolev -- is playing in the league). Nicolas Batum has an outside shot at joining Gallinari in the top-14 this year, and never underestimate the ability of some random 7'2 pogo stick to shoot up the board.

Wolves, Knicks (!!) Win Lotto Tiebreakers

We had two ties among the lottery ranks as of Thursday morning, but the league settled those late Friday. Minnesota and Memphis had been tied with the third worst record, and New York and the Clippers had shared 5th place in Bizarro World. The coin picked the Wolves and Knicks as victors in their flippin' wars.

It means little in a practical sense going into the lottery. For instance, Minnesota will have 138 combinations out of 1,000; Memphis will have 137. The difference is 0.1%. Where the real impact comes, though, is at the June draft. If the lottery holds everyone to form, Minnesota picks third, Memphis picks fourth, New York picks fifth, and L.A. picks sixth. The lowest Minnesota can pick is sixth; Memphis could drop to seventh. It's a bit of difference.

And while this is less serious than dropping out of the Top 3 on draft day, or losing LeBron James to a blind man, Memphis continues to be snake-bitten in these draft proceedings. Remember, the Grizz finished with the worst record in the league last year, but got lotto-leaped by Portland, Seattle, and Atlanta. In 2004, the Grizzlies owed Detroit its lotto pick unless it was the #1 pick. The Grizzlies won the #2 pick, which became Carmelo Anthony Dwyane Wade Chris Bosh ... nevermind.

Previously at FanHouse:
Kings Sending Lucky (Hopefully) Fan to Lottery