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Wisconsin's Band Has Definitely Seen 'American Pie'

No doubt you've stumbled across reports of the Wisconsin band's naughtiness getting it into trouble. This, of course, begged for some sort of explanation. What heinous acts would get a band, er, banned? Well, the actions on the Michigan road trip...
Reports of one band member having his head shaved in a hazing incident and lewd dancing by semi-nude band members
...were only a "tipping point" after epic bad behavior dating back to 1999. The charges in full:

- A female band member told to suck on a sex toy in an apparent hazing incident.

- Women being forced to kiss other women in order to gain access to bus bathrooms.

- Women being forced to draw pornographic pictures for older male band members, recite obscene limericks or stories, and read aloud explicit accounts of their sexual preferences composed for them by others for older male band members.

- The practice of women swapping shirts with males.

- Demeaning and abusive demands for younger band members to run errands and refill beer cups for older members.

- Upperclassmen have been reported to have "taken over" the dorm rooms of freshman women, supplied alcohol and demanded they join in the drinking.

- In 2004, band behavior in a bus led to the driver pulling over and calling for police.

Your band ideas intrigue me and I would like to subscribe to your band newsletter, University of Wisconsin band dorks. That noise you're hearing are hopless high school band dorks across the country frantically filling out Wisconsin applications.

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