Posts from the The Dugout Category at FanHouse - AOL Sports Blog

Pictured, right: the Canadian national baseball team on their way to practice.

Stubby Clapp isn't going to be a part of Canada's Olympic squad in Beijing this year and it's a damn shame, because the minute or so it took the announcers to talk about how funny his name is would've been the most entertaining minute or so in Canadian baseball this year. The Houston Astros organization should be ashamed of themselves for denying a kinda bad, injured, 35 year old minor leaguer in their employ to pinch hit once or twice on the seventh or eighth-ish place team at the Summer Olympics. Who are they going to get to replace him, Billy Jo Robidoux? That guy isn't even Canadian.

After the jump, today's Dugout, wherein The Stubbster breaks the bad news to his coach, who looks a lot like the singer Sting when you look at him for a while.

Earlier today, Fanhouse blogger Josh Alper (Dugout username: AmburgerAlper) brought the web log of Washington Nationals third baseman Ryan Zimmerman to our attention. Long story short he writes like a happy third grader and as someone who works almost exclusively in hearsay and slander I think it's great. Imagine if David Wright's blog was about how fantastic his lunch was.

And hey, we never talk about the Nats without talking about SteakGrowsOnDmitri, so I thought it was about time to give big ups to the motherland of Caucasia and represent the white folk of our nation's capital. No, not all of those white folk.

www.zimmerman.gov.ww/zimmerman, after the jump.

Baseball is America's pastime, but had our forefathers enjoyed the modern conveniences of clocks, ball pumps, or haste, this pastime may well have been basketball or football. Instead, they had wood, leather, and a rudderless disposition. Baseball is Boring is a series of live blogs for folks who need irony and self-awareness to get through a game.

Who is the greatest Jo-Jo of all time? We can safely narrow the nominees to three. There's teenage pop sensation JoJo, who is noted for releasing a song at age 13 about kicking her boyfriend out of her house. There's Jo-Jo the Dog-Faced Boy, a gentleman who grew hair on his face and spent most of his unfortunate existence traveling with the circus and growling at people to maintain character. Finally, there's Jo-Jo Reyes, a highly touted left-hander in the Atlanta Braves organization. Tomorrow I will live blog as I listen to a JoJo album, and the day after that I will travel to Pennsylvania and live blog the weather conditions from a nondescript clearing where Jo-Jo the Dog-Faced Boy's tortured skeleton may or may not be buried. But today! We are to determine the mettle of Jo-Jo Reyes as he makes his second start of the season against the San Diego Padres. Join me after the jump, where I will get to the bottom of this question.

THIS

IS WHERE THE POWER LIIIIIIES

Join host Mel Allen as he takes a look back at the stories that mattered in the world of Major League Baseball this week on "This Week in Baseball," conveniently presented in the form of a chatroom transcript for those of you reading AOL Sports' "Fanhouse" blog, and presented in HD on certain cable systems you live nowhere even close to getting.

/TWIB opening music

I would describe the upcoming mock Negro Leagues draft as "incredibly silly." Over the last few years, I think Major League Baseball has done a great job of honoring the players who were shut out because of their skin color. This, though, is a well-intentioned but trivial stunt, seemingly grounded as much in "what-if" statistical fantasy as actual tribute.

I think Buck O'Neil will probably be chosen in the first round, which will serve as sad, hilarious commentary. "Buck, your stats are just too good to pass up. We might have voted you into the Hall of Fame if only you did more for baseball off the field!"

Eesh. Today's Dugout is after the jump.

Here's our "Mystery Tiger". First person to get it correctly gets a prize of my choosing.

After a horrible start the Tigers went on a bit of a tear. More recently they have lost 3 straight and look like crap again. I don't know which direction they're going to go in, but it most definitely won't be a straight line. After Jim Leyland's recent decision to move pitcher Kenny Rogers to centerfield many sports analysts believe the Tigers are desperate. I think it means the Tigers are trying to make baseball more interesting. It also explains why Gary Sheffield is having his skin dyed and peeled.

THE ESSENTIALS
The Red Sox (20-13) start Daisuke Matsuzaka (4-0)
The Tigers (14-18) start Jeremy Bonderman (2-2)

ANALYSIS
A Tiger would, I assume, tear a pair of socks to shreds. But then, what's the significance of the "Sox" being red? Is the dye tainted? Are they covered in the blood of unsuspecting predators? There might be more than meets the eye. Maybe the Tigers will wear the socks and they can be friends.

PREDICTION
Red Sox over Tigers 6-4.

QUICK NOTE ABOUT THIS LIVE BLOG
From here forth, our banal and worthless commentary can be read in the box below. It updates much like a one-way instant messenger conversation does, which means you do not need to keep refreshing the page. Feel free to comment in the box at the bottom -- if your sentiment is funny or poorly-informed enough, we may just post it in the blog. Enjoy!

I originally wanted to title this post "The Dugout: Candy Keeses For My Ben", only to rediscover that it's actually "taco-flavored keeses for my Ben", which is much funnier.

This isn't breaking news or anything, but Joe Girardi is kind of an obnoxiously douchy jerk. He recently banned candy from the clubhouse. Well, unless they bring enough for the whole class.

Good job, Joe. Your next move as manager should be to ban smiling.

In tonight's second Dugout, Kyle Farnsworth breaks up with his wife after she finds out he's been secretly sleeping with Trisha Yearwood. No, wait, Dontrelle Willis finds out that the Oakridge Boys have traded away Duane Allen and equates it similarly to trading ones own brain. No, wait, Dmitri Young chokes the hell out of Tammy Wynette.

Or, this. After the jump.

If B, Nick and myself were to credit everyone who has really helped out The Dugout -- everyone at FanHouse, Jamie Mottram, Carl Bialik, Dan Shanoff, Matt Ufford, to name a few -- the list would go on forever. At the top of the list, though, would have to be Will Leitch. For the first couple of years we wrote it, we were just three humps making baseball players say cusses, and then Will sees us and links us regularly, and then things get a lot more fun.

As such, I got a kick out of seeing him on Costas Now last night (Costas Last Night? is the title dynamic like that?), and cracked up when the sharply-dressed gentleman gave him the business.

Today, a Dugout first: I had an actual conversation with a friend about the show, and I liked it so much that I'm going to edit it slightly and incorporate it into a chat. I will be played by Rick Ankiel; my friend will be portrayed by Willie McGee. Read it after the jump.