Wow, this is what we call and Aussie streak here at Das FanHaus, but its not entirely fair to our friends from Oz. In what makes me feel that this kind of occurrence would happen anywhere you combine Croatian fanatics and sport, over 100 Croatian supporters were working up a lather outside the opening of today's Australian Open. Courtesy of news.co.au:
Mounted police shadowed the group of 100 supporters as they entered ticketing aisles and chanted "all cops are b**tards". The group descended on Melbourne Park from Flinders St, hurling flares on the footpath as they walked along the Yarra River under the gaze of police on horses and bikes.
Again, for emphasis, mounted police escort at a tennis match. The report later calms down, stating that as the unruly mob entered the arena, the now dissipated groups ceased from chanting their generalized opinion of police officers. Das FanHaus is sure happy to see fans are still fired up about tennis, and we can't wait to see what flammables they find down under.
Thank goodness for our fine friends down under at The Australian, again lending Das FanHaus a hand with the Pan-Asian news bits. Now we get to file yet another story explaining the latest figures to be burned in effigy. While it probably hasn't gotten to that point, yet, ultra-nationalists in India are taking great offense to this picture (at right) depicting tennis star Sania Mirza placing her bare feet on the press table ... which just so happened to let an Indian flag waltz into the shot.
Mirza is a famous celebrity who happens to also be a Muslim, and this combination combined with her lack of acceptable footwear is, by law, a grave offense to her faith and her country. We actually wish this was an ill attempt at humor on our part, but its actually on the books in India. Offended parties are asking that she be tried in contempt of the country's Prevention of Insult to the National Honour Act which could lead to a fine and a three year prison sentence.
One of the ultra-nationalists bringing the action against Mirza over the barefoot photo was quoted as saying: "Sania is an international star who has influence on a lot of people in India. Her deeds will reflect on her fans. The Indian flag is a symbol of our pride and integrity. Every person - irrespective of caste, creed, religion or sex - must respect it." He added: "Unless someone takes exception to Sania insulting our flag, no-one will care for our country's honour any more."
Whoa. One really wishes the spokesman was given enough rope to hang himself with on this one. What kind of footwear would be considered acceptable? Open toed shoes? Socks with sandals? Flip-flops but NOT flats because flats are a slight to the nation's heritage? We would have liked to see how far the rabbit hole goes on this one.
Someone is finally putting the pieces together in this recent stretch of alleged match fixing bubbling in the background of international tennis. To this man, up is down, black is white, and enigmas are most certainly wrapped in riddles and possibly traditional Russian nesting dolls. This man is John McEnroe. Recently quoted unveiling the potential conspiracy, Das FanHaus would like to award him with a medal of bravery for likely targeting himself for seedy underworld reprisal.
"The thing that worries me is that mafia types, like the Russian mafia, could be involved. That's potentially pretty dark and scary," McEnroe told The Daily Telegraph.
I think that's the side that people aren't really looking at with these match-fixing stories. Someone may have threatened the players, and they are put in a situation. I'm guessing that could happen. That would make more sense to me than top players throwing a match for money.
Throwing a match for money would be stupid, as you would be risking losing what you've worked for your whole life. It seems crazy that players would take that risk for money. It would make more sense that they've been threatened in some way and that's why they're doing it."
Considering the Russian Mafia is likely the only people to continue to care enough to wager on international tennis, wouldn't it be pretty obvious they had to be involved? We're just saying. Personally, we love the Russian Mafia, considering we feel the original bootleg Tengen Tetris is the only true Tetris.
The once proud sport of men's tennis has seen its fair share of support dwindle over the years. Now resigned mainly to "he who aces the hardest," men's tennis has lacked the star appeal, the attention getters of other sports. The women have their barely legal hotties, golf has Tiger and Lefty, NASCAR has its Dale Jr, but the world of men's tennis struggled to produce such a start to rise above the doping and match fixing controversies to garner any interest.
That didn't matter much to Andy Roddick and the American Davis Cup team yesterday, as they defeated a group of anonymous Russians in Portland to take home the 2007 Cup, the country's 32nd overall. In front of a crowd of possibly 13,000 people, true attendance impossible to google it seems, Roddick with teammates James Blake and the probably hilarious Bryan twins, Bob and Mike, reached one of the numerous pinnacles of their sport.
After the result, Bob Bryan was quoted, "I had a circus of monkeys in my stomach just playing tambourine in there." in response to his team's victory, and that image alone is reason enough to think that the future is bright for men's international tennis.
There were two big press conferences in the world of sports yesterday. Joe Girardi's first outing as Yankee manager wasn't notable but Martina Hingis' meeting with the media in Zurich was pretty shocking. She announced that she had been accused of testing positive for cocaine during Wimbledon and then announced she was retiring from tennis. She's retiring because such a test carries an anti-doping suspension of two years and she didn't want to put her career on hold to fight the allegations.
The image of Hingis blowing lines is certainly one I'd never contemplated, but something else that struck me as odd was that cocaine is considered a violation of doping regulations. We've all become familiar with the phrase from the Olympics and Tour de France and associate it with steroids, human growth hormone and other chemicals taken to gain a competitive advantage on the field of play. Cocaine has been around sports for a long time, but it brings to mind Michael Irvin and a house full of strippers or Doc Gooden and Darryl Strawberry on an '86 Mets road trip.
In other words, its something you use to get a competitive advantage off the field of play.
Rafael Nadal has a habit we should talk about: namely, that like your girfriend, he picks his shorts out of his ass every two minutes or so on court. It's a mild, obsessive compulsive thing he's got, one most competitors in tennis grin and bear during matches with Nadal.
Unless you're bizarro Swede Robin Soderling, though, who "took the mickey" with Nadal during their 6-4, 6-4, 6-7, 4-6, 7-5 epic match that stretched over five days due to rain delays. Watch for the mock ass-pick and subsequent diva delays between the two.
The catfight between the two continued after the match, when Soderling looked away at the handshake and then complained that he waited for Nadal "more than 200 times." Nadal reponded by saying that no one had anything good to say about Soderling in the locker room, and that his ass was more famous than Soderling's any day. And with all the attention he draws to it with the constant undie maintenance...well, it should be.
It's time for breakfast at Wimbledon...meaning it's time to listen to Bud Collins froth all over 22 year old men for hours at a time, have NBC tell you delicious strawberries and cream are for breakfast, and occasionally fit in half-cocked historical comparisons between tennis players.
(Bud Collins, by the way, falls in the Jim McKay/Mel Kiper genre of "broadcasters dethawed for single events. He spends the rest of his year safely ensconced in a freezer in Landover, Maryland, sandwiched between Dick Button and a nice rack of lamb.)
The comparison we have in mind is between Bjorn Borg and Roger Federer, one the British press seems bound and determined to make stick in the minds of the public. Federer's already got 12 Grand Slam titles at the age of 25, one ahead of Borg's total of 11 at the age of 26. Federer's behind in two departments, though.
His first marriage, to the tennis player Mariana Simionescu, failed when he met a seventeen year old while judging a wet-T-shirt competition and fathered her child.
Well, when they ask you if you're ready for the responsibilities of being a wet t-shirt contest judge, you better mean it when you say yes. Bjorn certainly did.
The future of sports is here, and thanks to Foul Balls, we have seen it: Speedminton, a variant of Badminton using a modified shuttlecock that instead of fluttering around the court speeds bullet-like from racquet to racquet. It should allow you to retain your dignity, unlike that embarrassing Nordic Walking fad we tried to start in the neighborhood a few years back. (Bike shorts, trekking poles, and skin-tight workout shirt in urban area=not good reception from local "characters." Note: characters=prosititutes and their management.)
If the promotional video is to be believed...
...the sport may be played on a number of surfaces, including but not limited to:
Beaches
Across rooftops ten stories up in urban areas (no diving!)
On pieces of granite floating in a lake of fire
On a glacier, presumably while you're waiting for rescue or the sweet release of frosty death to greet you.
In the dark, but only while wearing a bikini and day-glo paint in tribal patterns.
You may order the specially constructed, space-age Speeder shuttlecocks from Speedminton's website, which boasts of the Speeders attaining "Speeds of up to 175 mph," ideal for those who've ever wanted to fire a shuttlecock directly through an opponents chest. But who cares what we think--Speedminton has an endorsement from the elegant and beautiful Maria Sharapova, which you do not and for which you are very, very sad.
NOOOOOOO!!!! Do not want! Serena Williams met her fate today in the French Open, taking the most charismatic presence in all of international sport with her after a 6-3, 6-4 loss to Justin Henin-Ardennes-D'Arcachon-Renault-Deneuve whatever her name is now we don't care. All we know is that Serena's out, Venus is gone, and all that's left for American viewers in the French are the inevitable crushing defeat of whoever's facing Roger Federer and Maria Sharapova grunting loudly. Admittedly, both of these will be quite impressive in their own right.
Serena summed up her loss in tantalizing language:
"All she had to do was show up," Williams said. "I just pretty much stood back and let her take advantage of me."
(Spits coffee, pauses, comes to senses.) Well, at least she had fun while she was there. (Warning: we're told there's language in the song. We can't hear it, but then again, we're from Atlanta. Hip-hop profanity doesn't even register on our radar.)
Does she look at least a little, dare we say ... adorably dorky there? And why does that make her even more attractive now? Toss in a World of Warcraft habit, and we're talking an anthrax-bad crush here.
Venus Williams warms up in style at the French Open this week, breaking her own serve speed record by crushing a 206 KPH serve against poor, hapless Ashley Harkleroad. If you're very observant, you'll notice that the earth spins backwards a bit due to the speed of the ball, much like Superman rotating the earth backwards to go back in time.
Both Venus and Serena Williams advanced to the third round, ensuring that we will be watching tennis for at least another day or two, because like most men we watch women's tennis for the right reasons: grunting, athletic women wearing short skirts doing a lot of deep knee bends on low camera angles.
Wow, this is what we call and Aussie streak here at Das FanHaus, but its not entirely fair to our friends from Oz. In what makes me feel that this kind of occurrence would happen anywhere you combine Croatian fanatics and sport, over 100 Croatian supporters were working up a lather outside the opening of today's Australian Open. Courtesy of news.co.au:
Thank goodness for our fine friends down under at 
Someone is finally putting the pieces together in this recent stretch of alleged match fixing bubbling in the background of international tennis. To this man, up is down, black is white, and enigmas are most certainly wrapped in riddles and possibly traditional Russian nesting dolls. This man is John McEnroe. Recently quoted unveiling the potential conspiracy, Das FanHaus would like to award him with a medal of bravery for likely targeting himself for seedy underworld reprisal.
The once proud sport of men's tennis has seen its fair share of support dwindle over the years. Now resigned mainly to "he who aces the hardest," men's tennis has lacked the star appeal, the attention getters of other sports. The women have their barely legal hotties, golf has Tiger and Lefty, NASCAR has its Dale Jr, but the world of men's tennis struggled to produce such a start to rise above the doping and match fixing controversies to garner any interest. 
There were two big press conferences in the world of sports yesterday. 
ADVERTISEMENT
_thumbnail.jpg "NASCAR Cowboy Hats")
