On Deck is FanHouse's look at the day's most intriguing baseball matchups

Texas Rangers (19-21) vs. Seattle Mariners (15-25) - 8:05PM Est.

Let's start today's On Deck by taking a trip in the FanHouse Time Machine. We're going to go all the way back to May 8th, 2008. The world was a different place back then. Ok, so the world was really any different as all, as it was just five days ago, but it was sort of exciting!

That was the day when Richie Sexson threw his helmet and charged Kason Gabbard after taking exception to a pitch. Sexson thought that Gabbard's eye-high fastball was meant for his face even though it was over the heart of the plate, and he took umbrage. Of course, had Felix Hernandez not plunked Ian Kinsler earlier in the game after Kinsler homered, none of this would have happened.

Now, here we are five days later, and Gabbard and Hernandez are set to face each other one more time. Will we have an encore?

On Deck is FanHouse's look at the day's most intriguing matchups

Cincinnati Reds (15-23) vs. Florida Marlins (23-14) 7:10PM Est.

Quick, without looking it up, who has the best record in baseball right now? Did you say the Diamondbacks? Close, you were right up until yesterday, but getting swept by the Cubs knocked them off the top of the mountain. The Red Sox? Good choice, they are the defending champs after all, but even though they have the best record in the American League, they aren't the best in baseball.

No, that honor somehow belongs to the Florida Marlins, who have managed to win their last 7 games and are currently an MLB-best 23-14.

Just what the hell is going on here?

After years of trading away every good player developed through their system, could the Florida Marlins finally be getting some sense? Reports out of Miami indicate that the team will sign Hanley Ramirez to a six-year, $70 million contract in the coming days. The deal would lock Ramirez into a set salary through his arbitration years and the first few years of free agency at a number well below what he could earn on the open market.

While it's a shame the Marlins didn't think to do this with Miguel Cabrera, it's heartening to see the benefit to keeping young MVP candidates in house. Yes, Ramirez isn't much with the glove but so long as he posts offensive numbers in the neighborhood he's been living in the past two seasons, he's worth every penny of that extension. And, with a new stadium set to open in 2011, it's imperative the Marlins show more commitment to building a winner than they have in the past.

If the deal goes as planned, it would be the first time the Marlins signed one of their own players to a multi-year extension since 2005. Of course, each of the players they signed back then, Carlos Delgado and Paul Lo Duca, ended up in different threads one year after John Hancocking the bottom line. Ramirez, at a reasonable price, will still be quite tradable throughout the life of the contract and would command a king's ransom of prospects. There's not believed to be any no-trade clauses included in the deal.

On Deck is FanHouse's look at the day's most intriguing baseball matchups

Arizona Diamondbacks (22-12) vs. Philadelphia Phillies (20-15) - 3:40PM Est.

If I were a member of the Philadelphia Phillies, I'd probably just skip the trip to Chase Field and go straight to the airport to catch my flight to San Francisco. I mean, Brandon Webb is starting for the Diamondbacks this afternoon, so you already know you're going to lose, why waste your time?

Webb has won his first seven starts of the season, which makes him 7-0, and has an ERA of 2.49 while doing so. Now he's looking to get off to the fastest start ever by an Arizona pitcher, as he's already tied Randy Johnson's mark with his first seven starts. The Big Unit accomplished his feat in 2000, and then went on to win the second of the four straight Cy Youngs he won for the DBacks.

The crazy thing is, if Webb does win today and move to 8-0, it may set a team record for the quickest to eight wins, but it won't even be the first time in Brandon's career he's started a season 8-0. He did it in 2006, though it took him eleven starts, and went on to win his own Cy Young award.

My colleague Eamonn already told you about how Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson filmed a couple of scenes of the upcoming movie Marley & Me at the Padres/Marlins game over the weekend, but just in case you're one of those seeing-is-believing folks, we now have proof courtesy of Bugs & Cranks. So enjoy. And work on those trust issues.

On Deck is FanHouse's look at the day's most intriguing baseball matchups.

San Diego Padres (12-19) at Florida Marlins (16-14) - 1:10 PM ET

Greg Maddux has had three tries at career win number 350 ... none have gone well. First, the Diamondbacks dropped six on Maddux in the first inning to put that game out of reach early. Then, Trevor Hoffman blew a 1-0 Maddux lead in the ninth against the Giants at home. Then, it was a 7-4 loss to the Phillies in Philadelphia. Today, it's the hot Florida sun ... and the not so hot Andrew Miller, who came into the season as the centerpiece in the Miguel Cabrera/Dontrelle Willis trade. But he comes into the game with a 9.12 ERA, which is good news for Maddux in his latest quest for 350.

More good news: Maddux is a career 19-13 with six complete games and a 2.88 career ERA against the Marlins. Want good news for Maddux that's more relevant than starts he's made against the Marlins in the 90's? The current Marlins have lost four of their last five games. So is today the day?

Marley and Me is a heartwarming, touching book about some dude's dog, and how that dog teaches life lessons through his crazy antics. I don't know, actually; is that the plot? I've never read it. I assume it's on some Mitch Albom-Five-People-You-Meet-In-The-Kennel sentimental ish, but I don't speak from experience.

Anyway, assuming the dog does teach heartwarming lessons, one such lesson was presumably delivered last night at Dolphins Stadium, when Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston -- stars of the book's film adaptation -- ran onto the field unexpectedly:

At the end of the eighth inning, Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson ran into left field chasing a dog. Few players knew it, but the actors were filming a scene for the movie Marley & Me.

"If I knew it was going to happen, I probably would have ran out there a little quicker and jumped in front of Owen Wilson and grabbed the dog. I should have screwed that whole scene up. What were they going to do, kick me off the field?"

OK, Luis, you killjoy. At least Wilson and Aniston didn't wait to run onto the field until just after their depicted team's first World Series win in eighty years, thereby tainting the memory for an entire region of devoted fans. "Oh yeah," says imaginary Luis Gonzalez. "Well at least I didn't star in 'The Break Up.' That movie sucked my balls. Oooh, the woman is overbearing and underappreciated! And the man is immature and apathetic! Hilarity will surely ensue!"

This is why I don't argue with imaginary Luis.

Major League teams have never shied away from hazing rookies. Every September we are treated to photos of players dressed like Apollo Creed, the Cowardly Lion and Teletubbies and it's good for a laugh. The Florida Marlins, though, don't go in for the good-natured ribbing of making you dress up in silly outfits. No, they're into a scarier, fraternity hazing kind of approach to welcoming newcomers to the squad as Buster Olney reports.

When a Florida rookie is called up for the first time, they explain to him that it's standard operating procedure to tase the newcomer. They show him the taser, build up the pain aspect of it, and a couple of reliable Florida cops stop by the bullpen to ask when the next tasing is taking place, just to reinforce the fear.

I wonder if they employ Scott Olsen's first-hand knowledge of what it feels like to be tased as a weapon to ensure weak knees among the greenhorns?

While it seems like a bit much and an odd way to build camaraderie, you can't really argue with the tactics employed by the Marlin bullpen right now. The rotation is averaging less than six innings per outing but the bullpen has posted a 3.16 ERA. That helps explain how the Marlins are in first as May begins. As it happens, Olsen has been the team's best starter so maybe they should just go ahead and tase the kids to ensure an even higher level of success.

On Deck is FanHouse's look at the day's most intriguing baseball matchups.

Florida Marlins (14-9) at Milwaukee Brewers (13-10) - 7:05 PM ET

There are three matchups today that feature two teams with records over .500. Yes, the Florida Marlins and the Milwaukee Brewers are one of those matchups. Milwaukee isn't so much of a surprise. Florida? Yeah, a little bit. The biggest surprise may be Mark Hendrickson, who was bombed his first start of the season but he's come back strong to post a 4-1 record. Random fun fact: Did you know that Hendrickson started six games and averaged 5.5 points a game for the New Jersey Nets for the 1998-99 season? Yeah, I think he picked the right sport too.

For the Brewers, they've been winning games with two of their big hitters in funks. Will Bill Hall continue leading the team in HR's and RBI's even though he's hitting .198? Will Rickie Weeks pull up his .195 average? Conversely, will Jason Kendall cool off? Will Eric Gagne implode again? Will Prince Fielder have Thousand Island or Russian dressing with his salad before the game since cheeseburgers are kinda no longer an option?

Ah, retirement. Beaches, golf, reading books on the back porch with the old lady as you sip on some chilled Bourbon. Sounds like a charmed existence. Or you could also train for the Ironman. A race that after an ungodly amount of swimming and biking you run a freaking marathon. That's what recently retired Jeff Conine is up to these days.

From the New York Times:

Conine, a 17-year veteran of six big-league teams, has spent long hours swimming, cycling and running in preparation for an ambitious triathlon schedule that will culminate in the Ironman world championship in Kona, Hawaii, in October. Several former teammates, accustomed to the less rigorous conditioning of baseball, have questioned his sanity.

"Guys in my position are supposed to sit back and relax, not do something ridiculous like this," said Conine, who lives in South Florida and will make his triathlon debut here Sunday at the St. Anthony's Triathlon.

This is pretty wild. I salute Conine for his post-baseball pursuits. At 41 and being a former professional baseball player, he certainly still has some spring left to him. I just hope he realizes the race doesn't culminate with him taking over for Cal Ripken, Jr. in baseball's Hall of Fame.

Different Ironman, Jeff.