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NBA Frankenstein: Brook Lopez

FanHouse's NBA Frankenstein, in which we describe how draft prospects were created. Introducing: future greatest Stanford twin of all time Brook Lopez.



Liner notes: The most disturbing Sports Illustrated profile in at least two years; George Orwell's 1984; Tom Cruise's annotated script for Cocktail; Insider access to UsWeekly.com; Barbara Walters's cell number.

Photos by Getty Images. Assemblage by Tom Ziller.

Lakers: Kobe Bryant The NBA's Iron Man

Elie Seckbach, the Embedded NBA Correspondent, brings his exclusive NBA reporting to FanHouse. Check back here regularly for more videos.

In this video we talk to NBA star Kobe Bryant about his back injury. Around 1:10 into the video watch how the city of Los Angeles is responding to Kobe's MVP award.


AOL Video link. Youtube link.

Billups Is Better but Still Questionable

Chauncey Billups and Flip SaundersChauncey Billups has made improvements in his recovery from a strained hamstring, but the Pistons refuse to let him rush him back. From Krista Jahnke of the Detroit Free Press:
"I don't even know what we are. What are we? OK, 3-1," strength and conditioning coach Arnie Kander said. "To me, it doesn't make a difference. I look at purely the comfort level of a player, what they can do. He's getting much closer to it."
How close? For one, Billups hasn't had a single setback from day to day, and he's tested the hamstring with a lot of strenuous activity.
"He can do a lot of pretty intense things on his legs right now," Kander said, "and he has no pain." Kander said he worked with Billups "doing everything from hard dribbles, defensive slides; we box, we did all sorts of maneuvers and he didn't feel anything. So it's good."
The fact that Detroit has a 3-1 lead over Orlando certainly gives them a bit of cushion in terms of being cautious with Billups, as does the fact that Game 5 will be played at the Palace. But if he does sit again, it's not like the don't have a solid backup plan: rookie Rodney Stuckey and veteran Lindsey Hunter may have combined for only six assists while replacing Billups in Game 4, but they didn't turn the ball over once. Plus, the team frequently runs the offense through Tayshaun Prince, who had five assists himself in Game 4.

The Pistons don't need Billups to beat the Magic, nor do they need to win Game 5 to advance to the next round. Considering a sixth-straight Conference Finals appearance is seemingly in the books, getting Billups back at full strength, no matter how long that takes, should be the primary goal. As Pistons fans say, in Arnie we trust.

Kobe on Game 5: 'I'll Be Ready to Play'

Kobe BryantOn Monday, Kobe Bryant was still suffering from the back spasms that affected him in Sunday's loss to the Jazz, though he did reassure Lakers fans that he'll be in uniform for Wednesday's Game 5: "I'll be ready to play. I can't imagine it being any worse than it was last night."

How bad was it on Sunday? As he describes it, the injury completely took him out of his game: "I just couldn't elevate, get enough space to knock down a jump shot," he said. "When you have a back injury, you try not to re-injure it. I rarely hurt my back, I remember one time when I was 21."

In the meantime, he's receiving around-the-clock treatment, and even slept on Sunday night wearing an electric stimulating device. Even if he's not at full strength, I'm guessing Kobe at 75% is better than 99% of the league, and certainly his Utah counterpart, Ronnie Brewer.

And if his balky back prevents him from attacking the rim without abandon, he's proven in the past to be just as dangerous distributing the ball. He's already averaging nearly seven assists per game in the playoffs, but it's not out of the question for him to double that on Wednesday if the rest of his teammates know going in that he's not going to be able to carry the load offensively.

Dwyane Wade Will Do the Official Derrick Rose/Michael Beasley Happy Dance

Since Dwyane Wade hasn't been able to do anything relevant to the game of basketball for many months, he and the Heat figure he might as well act the part of the figurehead. Wade will represent the Miami Heat at the NBA Lottery next Tuesday, May 20th, during the televised announcement of the results on ESPN.

The Heat have 250 of the 1,000 viable 4-number combinations available in the official drawing, which is held two and a half hours before the televised announcement, making them the frontrunner for the #1 spot. It's important for Miami's season ticket drive that Wade maintains an active, positive role as the face of the franchise. This provides him an opportunity to show that he is committed to the future of the Heat, as he welcomes the probable opportunity to draft one of the two top players available in the draft, either one of which would help the Heat tremendously next season. Wade is currently recovering from (another) knee injury in Chicago, but feels he should be healthy enough to martyr himself play in the Olympic games this summer.

If the Heat manage to walk out with what is statistically probable for them, it could be the start of a new era in Miami. If the Heat somehow manage to fall out of the top two picks? It's not going to be good for that whole "Dwyane Wade is NOT cursed" sentiment.

Jilted Jerry Reinsdorf Thinks Mike D'Antoni Was 'Rude' for Snubbing Bulls

Jerry ReinsdorfIf you think Bulls fans feel a little jilted by Mike D'Antoni, well, they're not the only ones. Both GM John Paxson and chairman Jerry Reinsdorf left their meetings with D'Antoni last week thinking their discussions were fruitful only to be surprised when D'Antoni agreed to the Knicks job. From K.C. Johnson in the Chicago Tribune:
"I'm disappointed in him," Reinsdorf said. "I don't know what else we could've done. He chose to go to New York knowing there was a good chance we would make him an offer. If he had really wanted to be in Chicago, he would've waited. Instead, he misled us. It's not the end of the world, but it is somewhat rude."

[...] "The second subject, I said if we need to get something done this weekend we shouldn't even bother talking because it will take longer than that," Reinsdorf said. "He said nothing had to be done over the weekend.

"I also said if this proceeds to where we want to make an offer, we don't deal with coach's agents. He said that's not a problem and that money wasn't the most important thing anyway. He said he wanted a job where he was going to be happiest. He said he didn't want to coach the Knicks."

Boston Barista Takes a Stand Against Gameday Chatter

There's nothing worse than Tivo'ing an athletic contest of your favorite team and avoiding gameday discussion about who won/lost. Unless of course you happen to work at a Starbucks in the area around where the game is being played, in which case a slew of customers are parading in, probably talking about everything but the game. That's why a Boston area barista posted the following note on the door of the local 'Bucks.
Customers,

Please try not to talk about the Celtics game. I am recording it and watching it when I get home tonight. I would really prefer to not know the outcome ahead of time.

Thanks.
I find it really, really, really hard to believe that he/she managed to make it through the entire day without hearing what happened. On the other hand, how is it still light outside and this guy/gal is worried about the game? Did the barista happen to skip watching it the night before and is somehow trying to make it through the entire day without finding out what happened? If that's the case, well, tough, champ. I probably wouldn't refrain from talking about it.

But probably only to see the sickened look on his face when I falsely mentioned that Kevin Garnett tore his ACL. Either that or give a double thumbs-up coupled with a cheesy grin and then point at the sign while I ordered my coffee. Yeah, I'm not a nice person.

Via Consumerist

David Stern Wants You to Know He Digs Neither Your Hip Nor Your Hop

David Stern has had his fair share of clashes with the "modern culture" of the NBA. He recognizes the disparity between his generation and that of the fans and players and tries to keep his hands off of it. Okay, that's not exactly true. He intercedes where he feels he can do the most good and then says he doesn't want to interfere. But even then he's unlikely to criticize things a team would do, particularly as part of their entertainment for the fans. Well, apparently, tonight was that rare exception (that's becoming less rare) where Stern decided to just fire from the hip.

Before Game 4 in Cleveland, following yet another extended pregame fireworks show, Stern spoke to the press, and said, quote,
"I think they're ridiculous. I think that the noise, the fire, the smoke is a kind of assault that we should seriously consider reviewing whether it's really necessary given the quality of our game. It may be that these are the maniacal rantings of a fan from a different era, and I recognize that ... But I think it's time for us to say, 'Hey guys, let's look at it one more time.' And then we can talk about entertainment as well, but that's a subject for another day."
All this interlaced with concerns for the "babies in the building," requests for more Simon and Garfunkel, and how future generations might be embarrassed by the pregame rituals and in-game entertainment. As someone who's consistently annoyed by the leftover smoke from Boston and the constant bombardment of music into the basketball game, I find Stern's comments both hilarious and righteous. We'll see what the owner say.

(HT: National Post)

Avery Johnson Is Not in a Rush to Call the Bulls Back About That Whole Job Thing

Avery Johnson had kind of a rough year. Still, he's got a .735 lifetime coaching winning record, which ain't exactly shabby, and there are quite a few coaching gigs available, even with the Knicks job filled by the Pringles guy. So he should be able to just slide right into a new coaching job like it's a warm pair of slippers, right? Well, that implies that he's sure he wants to coach next season.

A report in the Chicago Sun-Times lays out the fact that Johnson's representatives have not returned calls from the coachless Chicago Bulls to reschedule an interview that was delayed by General Manager John Paxson last week. Now, the Bulls haven't come out and stated why they delayed the meeting last week, but I'll bet all the money in my pockets against all the money in your pockets that the reason rhymes with "Shmike Shmanshmoni."

Johnson had to put up with a lot last year, coming off of one of the most disappointing ends to a #1 seed's playoff run in history, struggling through a remarkably intense Western Conference, and of course, a trade that upended his roster and sent away one of his favorite players, on top of losing his former MVP star for two weeks late in the season with an ankle injury.

Paul Pierce, LeBron, a Mini-Rumble and the Potential for a Slew of 'Yo Momma' Jokes

With about four minutes to go in the second quarter, Paul Pierce pulled what is called a "wrap up" foul on LeBron James. He carried it for quite a while -- although it wasn't flagrant -- and some people took exception to it. Including LeBron's courtside mother, who gets in Pierce's face and pushes Kevin Garnett out of the way, before LeBron told her to "chill!" (at least what it looked like anyway).



Doug Collins did have a, gulp, good point though, when he said these wrap up fouls can actually end up being dangerous. Not as dangerous as LeBron telling his mama to settle down, but dangerous nonetheless.