Although Congress and the media have chosen to focus almost exclusively on the use of performance-enhancing drugs among athletes, there's also a great deal of PED use among Hollywood celebrities, from Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone on down.

But one of the celebrities who certainly has the body of a steroid user -- and who played a muscular football player in Any Given Sunday -- says he has never used them. LL Cool J was on Late Night With Conan O'Brien last night, and when Conan brought up steroids, LL made clear that he doesn't want to risk the testicular atrophy that is a side effect of steroid use.

"We don't want the prunes to turn into raisins," LL said. "I still want to matter at home, not just at the beach."

I'm not sure that comparing his own testicles to prunes is really where LL wants to go, but point taken: Count LL as one muscular man who says no to steroids.

Here's what happened at a Nacogdoches High School pep rally last month:

That was a skit in which a group of cheerleaders (dressed in the colors of rival Center High School) "kidnapped" the Nacogdoches mascot. Then a second group of Nacogdoches cheerleaders came to the rescue of the kidnapped mascot, forced the "rival" cheerleaders to kneel in front of them, and shot them in the heads, execution-style.

Not everyone was amused.

Just this afternoon we reported that NFL commissioner Roger Goodell was thinking the next NFL team might find its way down to San Antonio.

Well, lucky for us, Forbes has now compiled a list of which sports teams are most likely to go out for a carton of milk and never come back home.

The 10 that are most likely to move for one reason or another is as follows:

-- Florida Marlins
-- Tampa Bay Rays
-- Buffalo Bills
-- Minnesota Vikings
-- San Francisco 49ers
-- New York Islanders
-- Phoenix Coyotes
-- Nashville Predators
-- New Orleans Hornets
-- Charlotte Bobcats

What are the three basic 'Man Rules' outlined in our yearly handbook? Football. Check. Beer, you got it. Women, hallelujah. Now, brace yourself, what if I told you all three of these things would be joining together into a regular bachelor party without the $20 lap dances?

Get ready for some football. Some Lingerie Football.


The Lingerie Football League, the publicity stunt you might have seen on pay-per-view during a recent Super Bowl halftime show, is taking its bras, panties, and straps to the gridiron for real, forming a league set to premiere in September 2009. Tryouts took place in Seattle this past week and Mitchell Mortaza, founder of LFL, said the reason games won't begin for a year is because they were looking for the hotties at first, and will now try to instill in them some actual football skills to go along with the flowing hair and potential perky enhancements.

There really isn't a bad time to be allowed that wonderful image of having your wife cutting off your penis with a steak knife while you sleep. Ahhhh, memories.

John Wayne Bobbitt, the gentleman (we can still call him a man, right?) that lost more than half his 9-iron in that "Sweeney Todd" experiment has decided that his autobiography might not be weird enough, agreeing to fight Greg Smith, the barber that punched out Marion "Suge" Knight during a street-fight in Hollywood.

Norm Clarke of the Las Vegas Review Journal is reporting the two are set to fight on November 15.

Bobbitt, 41, is training for a Nov. 15 celebrity boxing match in Philadelphia against Smith, the barber who made news in May when he knocked out rap mogul Knight during a street altercation in Hollywood.

Bobbitt was scheduled to fight Joey Buttafuoco in a televised celebrity match several years ago, but the event fell apart. Earlier this year, Bobbitt agreed to slug it out with former baseball star Jose Canseco, but the promoter switched to former NFL player and BYU standout Vai Sikahema, who pounded the beefier Canseco into carpaccio.

If you are an adult, especially one that works with children to better grow their athletic ability with sportsmanship in mind, you probably don't want to go pushing opposing players during the post-game handshake.

Don't go telling that to the Marquette Junior Mustangs Football program because these guys PLAY TO WIN THE GAME (AND PUSH PEOPLE AFTER)! Head coach Tony Warneke has resigned his position after shoving an 11-year-old kid on the other team after a game this Saturday. Of course, because Warneke is due for some good Karma his way, the whole incident was caught on tape and the parents of the shoved kiddo are pressing charges.

The push was, of course, caught on video and aired on St. Louis-area television stations. The grainy video, shot at a game Saturday, shows a brawny coach pushing a pint-size player in the face mask, sending him stumbling out of the frame.

The boy's parents are pressing assault charges, and police in Chesterfield, Mo., say they expect the local prosecutor to make a decision on whether to pursue the case by Wednesday.

Missed us over the weekend? Yeah, we missed you too. In this edition of the FanHouse Minute, let "This Suit Is Not Black" guide you through the latest on: T.O.'s battle to prove he's a real Cowboy, social consciousness in Seattle and how Jenny Craig's about to take over NutriSystem, as only she can.

(FanHouse Minute is your 60-second rundown of the top five headlines that you didn't get to see. Check back here every week for the latest installment, and watch this week's video after the jump.)

By all accounts, Rich Eisen seems like a nice enough guy. He does a great job on NFL Network, as he did at ESPN, and never really ruffles any feathers. I guess the same can't be said about his wife and former ABC sportscaster Suzy Shuster, who writes a little for The Huffington Post.

Shuster decided on Friday that the Sarah Palin act had gone too far, only it wasn't the "I'm a good ol' fashioned mom" act that led Tina Fey to revive her Saturday Night Live career, no, the act Schuster takes offense to is the supposed "quit flaunting your five-month old baby Trig" act that only Shuster seems to take offense to. Trig, as you probably know, is Palin's youngest child, who was also diagnosed with Down Syndrome.

It actually came after the debate, when for seemingly the millionth time, Sarah Palin trotted out her piece de resistance, her favorite prop of this campaign season: her five and a half month old son Trig.

Why is this child up so late every time there is a camera op? Why isn't this baby sleeping in a crib or bassinet somewhere with a sleep sheep or some other sound apparatus lulling him into night-night? Is it just me or does it seem like she carts this poor child around like a living breathing example of how wonderful a mom she is? After all, she's more than adopted the "I'm just a mom, just like you moms out there, America" attitude.