
With attention spans dwindling, we forego full game-by-game previews to give you the essentials you need to know about every contest this glorious NFL weekend. Click here to go back in time.
The Season Opener
Redskins at Giants: "Wah wah wah, we get no respect." The Giants can prove they really deserve that respect starting now. Not that the Redskins are world-beaters, they've got a few issues of their own, but the G-Men need to show everyone they can play like champions for more than just a small stretch of the season. I don't think they'll have a problem tonight.
The 1s
Cincinnati at Baltimore: Ed Reed is iffy for the Ravens, but Chad Ocho Cinco is literally insane, so that's a wash. The Bengals will be starting a converted tight end at fullback, so I hope Ray Lewis doesn't load up on pre-game carbs; he'll have a chance to eat Chris Perry on the field. Despite a new coach and rookie quarterback, the Ravens have had a more stable offseason than the Bengals, which I guess doesn't say much but could make a difference.
Jets at Dolphins: I think the storylines of this game have been discussed to the point of inducing nausea, correct? OK, good, let's just move on before my eyes start to bleed.
The 
It is very dangerous to attempt to trade for a quarterback like
Good thing Tampa has five quarterbacks in camp (and is kinda looking for a
Dallas has a Pro-Bowl quarterback ... and a fossil backing him up. Tampa Bay has their own 80-man roster of quarterbacks. Now, share nicely!
Thanks to the reminder from 

