Sports Commentary
The Dolphins, a once-grand franchise reduced to a sorry NFL outpost in South Florida, keep drawing attention for all the wrong reasons. Last week, it was Don Shula mouthing off about the Patriots' legacy in light of their camcorder chicanery. Now, it's the possibility of reclaiming Ricky Williams from pot purgatory.
Remember when stinking up a stadium week after week was enough to turn a team into national laughingstock? When a team that went winless deep into the season would inspire exorcisms, psychotherapeutic dissection and a few decent effigies of the coach? Those were the days.
Granted, the Dolphins aren't exactly flopping under the radar. They were duly saluted for reaching 0-9 last weekend all by themselves, after the Rams finally won.
But nobody seems to appreciate how hard it is to lose every game in a league as expansively stultified as today's NFL. All of the suspense has gathered around the Patriots' shot at historic perfection, with little acknowledgment that it is fake suspense. Their only real obstacles to becoming the first NFL team to finish a regular season at 16-0 are the possibility of an injury to Tom Brady, the Dec. 9 game against the Steelers and the season finale against the Giants in the Meadowlands. The "on any given Sunday" theory of professional football does not apply to this team.
The Dolphins' schedule, however, turns up countless obstacles to running the table in reverse. They have the profoundly flawed Eagles on the schedule this week. Two weeks later come the Jets, who beat the Dolphins by only three points in September. After that, they have the Bills, who beat them by three last week.
In fact, five of their nine losses were by just three points. The Dolphins aren't born losers. They work at it. They dig deep. They can't possibly keep it up.
If going 0-16 were feasible, the Raiders would have done it last year. Their offense, run by a bed-and-breakfast proprietor for half the season, was comically awful. They didn't know how to run a simple screen pass. Their blocking schemes and deep drop steps came out of a time warp, from an era when nobody had heard of Lawrence Taylor. And yet the Raiders won two games. I still don't know how.
More to the point, I don't know how the Dolphins lost to the Raiders this year. I was there. I saw it. I still don't believe it. At the time, it appeared that the Raiders were gaining traction on respectability. But that was a mirage. Every awful team manages to create at least one. The Dolphins will do it, too, and they'll probably win two straight. It happens all the time. Even those legendary losers, the 1976-77 Tampa Bay Buccaneers, ended their 26-game streak with two consecutive wins.
Carolina Panthers' Jake Delhomme, left, and Josh McCown, right, sit on the bench in the third quarter against the Philadelphia Eagles during an NFL football game in Charlotte, N.C., Sunday, Sept. 13, 2009. From Delhomme's 11 turnovers in two games to backup Josh Mc Cown's leg injuries, the Panthers are in disarray. (AP Photo/Nell Redmond)
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GLENDALE, AZ - SEPTEMBER 13: Runningback Tim Hightower #34 of the Arizona Cardinals walks with teammates to the lockerroom prior to the NFL game against the San Francisco 49ers at the Universtity of Phoenix Stadium on September 13, 2009 in Glendale, Arizona. The 49ers defeated the Cardinals 20-16. (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Tim Hightower
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GLENDALE, AZ - SEPTEMBER 13: Arizona Cardinals team president Michael Bidwill speaks before the NFL game against the San Francisco 49ers at the Universtity of Phoenix Stadium on September 13, 2009 in Glendale, Arizona. The 49ers defeated the Cardinals 20-16. (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Michael Bidwill
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GLENDALE, AZ - SEPTEMBER 13: Wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald #11 of the Arizona Cardinals stands on the sidelines during the NFL game against the San Francisco 49ers at the Universtity of Phoenix Stadium on September 13, 2009 in Glendale, Arizona. The 49ers defeated the Cardinals 20-16. (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Larry Fitzgerald
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GLENDALE, AZ - SEPTEMBER 13: Quarterback Shaun Hill #13 of the San Francisco 49ers is sacked by Darnell Dockett #90 of the Arizona Cardinals during the NFL game at the Universtity of Phoenix Stadium on September 13, 2009 in Glendale, Arizona. The 49ers defeated the Cardinals 20-16. (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Shaun Hill;Darnell Dockett
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GLENDALE, AZ - SEPTEMBER 13: Runningback Tim Hightower #34 of the Arizona Cardinals leads teammates onto the field prior to the NFL game against the San Francisco 49ers at the Universtity of Phoenix Stadium on September 13, 2009 in Glendale, Arizona. The 49ers defeated the Cardinals 20-16. (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Tim Hightower
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GREEN BAY, WI - SEPTEMBER 13: Jay Cutler #6 of the Chicago Bears walks off the field following a loss to the Green Bay Packers on September 13, 2009 at Lambeau Field in Green Bay, Wisconsin. The Packers defeated the Bears 21-15. (Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Jay Cutler
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CHARLOTTE, NC - SEPTEMBER 13: Kevin Kolb #4 of the Philadelphia Eagles passes against Charles Johnson #95 of the Carolina Panthers at Bank Of America Stadium on September 13, 2009 in Charlotte, North Carolina. (Photo by Scott Cunningham/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Kevin Kolb;Charles Johnson
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CHARLOTTE, NC - SEPTEMBER 13: Donovan McNabb #5 of the Philadelphia Eagles heads off the field after being injured against the Carolina Panthers at Bank Of America Stadium on September 13, 2009 in Charlotte, North Carolina. (Photo by Scott Cunningham/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Donovan McNabb
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GREEN BAY, WI - SEPTEMBER 13: Matt Forte #22 of the Chicago Bears runs against the Green Bay Packers on September 13, 2009 at Lambeau Field in Green Bay, Wisconsin. The Packers defeated the Bears 21-15. (Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Matt Forte
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Sustained incompetence defies the unique physics of football. Teams in motion will come to a rest, teams at rest will go into motion. The Patriots aren't just an exception. They're freaks of nature.
They aren't going to reach 16-0 simply by being better than everyone else. On talent alone, they would probably finish at 14-2. The Patriots dominate because they are spectacularly ruthless. Whether it's because of Bill Belichick's wrath over the spying scandal or lingering humiliation from last winter's playoff collapse against the Colts, this team has an unprecedented nasty streak.
None of the three Patriots' Super Bowls in this decade came from an overpowering offense. The defense was the intimidator. The offense tagged along, playing methodically and efficiently, hypnotizing opponents until they couldn't see the lethal strike coming.
Now, they're terrifying, electric and devoid of subtlety. They're bullies with great choreography. TV footage of the Patriots calls to mind the Bulls in the late '90s. In even a short clip, you could see that everyone was beautifully in sync. Without any other context -- no statistics or breakdown of opponents or even an extra five minutes of video -- you knew that they were an unstoppable force.
That's no guarantee of perfection, but now that Indianapolis is out of the way, what team can hope to disrupt the Patriots' rhythm? Only the Steelers, with the top defense in the league, have a shot, and they have to travel to Foxboro. The Giants' defensive line has the potential to create havoc that the Pats won't see anywhere else, but the rest of the team is pretty mediocre. Besides, if New England goes into the Meadowlands with a 15-0 record, does anyone think the Pats are going to back off and relish their home-field advantage in the playoffs?
The Pats have gone for it on fourth down when they had fat leads. They've sent Brady back out against teams that were already road kill. They don't do letdowns.
They play the Dolphins on Dec. 23. That game is the only one the Fins cannot possibly win. Pittsburgh on Nov. 26 will be tough, too. But the five other games could all go Miami's way, even with a rookie taking over at quarterback. John Beck could be the very reason they turn around. So could Williams, if he's welcomed back.
But even with the crew that got them to 0-9, the Dolphins are not an epic disaster. They're ranked 19th in total offense. They're fourth from the bottom in defense. That's bad, but not the makings of history.
They're no match for the '76 Bucs, the only team so far to have a winless season. They went 0-14 in style. There were five shutouts, two to start the season, which also represented the birth of the franchise. The Dolphins have yet to be shut out, and they've lost their nine games by a total margin of 81 points. In their last three games of '76 alone, the Bucs lost by 92 points.
Then there was the wit of John McKay, the former USC coach who stepped into expansion hell. He is credited with one of the most famous quips in sports history, replying to a question about the execution of the Bucs' offensive line: "I think it's a good idea."
Cam Cameron won't be doing stand-up routines anytime soon. He doesn't have the expansion excuse as a set-up. His team isn't supposed to be Tampa Bay's heir. It's descended from the only undefeated team in history.
The 1972 Dolphins will be in double anguish if their 14-0 regular-season mark is surpassed by the Patriots while Cameron's team breaks the futility record. The alumni probably won't be raising their champagne glasses this year to salute the end of another team's undefeated season and the survival of their unique status. But if the 2007 Dolphins run the table, somebody should toast them. They will have done the nearly impossible, drowning in the NFL's shallow puddle of competence.
Gwen Knapp is a sports columnist at the San Francisco Chronicle.
