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These Annoying Sports Phrases Gotta Go

By GWEN KNAPP,
AOL
Posted: 2007-12-16 13:15:21
Sports Commentary

Do you ever turn on a sports highlights show and feel as if you've just walked into Starbucks, an alternate universe where plain English does not apply? A little creativity is great, but there's far too much gibberish, apparently inspired by too many venti lattes with an extra shot, no foam.

I watched one baseball recap this summer that should have included subtitles. None of the reporter's attempts to be hip translated. It just sounded desperate, down to the holler of "Yard," a moronic excuse for a home run call.

I can understand to some extent. The players and coaches have become such robotic cliché machines -- ah, for the erudite arrogance of a Reggie Jackson -- that someone has to add spice. But in the stretch to be clever, a lot of people end up tearing muscles. I'm surprised there isn't a weekly on-air aneurysm.

The problem is too many Chris Berman wannabes working the beat. On a good day, Charles Barkley makes up for only half of it.

Combine that, the players' willful blandness and the coaches' fondness for inane jargon, and the language of sport morphs from the goofy wit of Yogi Berra to the profoundly unbearable. There's no cure, but excising some of the most exasperating phrases would offer a certain relief. Nominated for a permanent ban:

"He's out with a groin." Worst offenders: Coaches. Who knew that playing without one was a prerequisite? There are many variations -- "out with a knee, an ankle ..." But the groin version is the worst; I can't believe players never complain: "Coach, it's still there. Trust me on this. Don't make me show you."

The source of the inane shorthand is unclear. Are coaches really that allergic to the word "injury," or are they just trying to remind us how busy they are?

"It is what it is." Worst offenders: Coaches. This is equally fashionable and tedious outside sports circles, but it's more pathetic from the world's great control freaks. These people are not Zen. They do not believe in fate. They believe in themselves.

"They came to play." aka "They really showed up." Worst offenders: Players. High praise, isn't it? Why not just say: "They didn't run and hide"?

This one seems to have faded recently, probably for the same reason that "It is what it is" will wear out any day now. Of course, it's possible that the expression hasn't waned at all and my brain simply refuses to register anything when it hears those words.

(Side note: The recently released Mitchell report quoted a document from a Dodgers personnel meeting that discussed catcher Paul Lo Duca's competitive nature and the likelihood that he would resume steroid use to regain lost power. "Comes to play," it said.)


"Oblique." Worst offenders: Sportswriters, who are generally finished with their core training once they roll out of bed. Just say abs. Or, if you're a stickler for formality, abdominal muscle. But enough with the clinical talk. "ER" isn't holding auditions.

Oh, and by the way, a contusion is a bruise. Just a bruise. Call it that.

"I'm a man." Notable offenders: Michael Strahan and Jason Giambi. It's a variation on "man-up," which appears to be replacing "stand-up guy." Whatever the origin, it invariably makes the user sound like a wimp.

Giambi said it repeatedly during the agonizing press conference where he apologized for taking steroids without actually saying that he took steroids. Strahan said it while trying to duck responsibility for critical comments he had made about a teammate on a radio show.

Guys, this is something you should never, ever have to tell people. The only possible exception? When your coach has just said you're out with a groin.

"Yard" or "going yard.." Worst offenders: Sportscasters. Let's leave aside the fact that the ball is leaving the yard, not going toward it. The problem is that it's a hideous substitute for "going downtown," which has its own geographic issues. The Yankee Stadium outfield, for example, faces away from Wall Street. And the suburban Angels may think they're from Los Angeles, but in reality, home runs at their park are strictly "going strip mall."

But "going downtown" conveys a certain majesty, a sense of taking the ball for a ride. "Going yard" sounds like your dad's adventures with the weed whacker.

"Gi-mongous," "gi-normous." Worst offenders: Sportscasters. Cute from a 15-year-old. Moronic from anyone over 30 who is paid to speak for a living.

"National pastime" in reference to baseball. Worst offenders: Sportswriters. Should be used only in the past tense, unless the nation you're discussing is the Dominican Republic. The United States now belongs to football, which is more cult than pastime.

"Big Dance." Worst offenders: All media. It worked for years as the nickname for the NCAA basketball tournament, but it's aged badly and now conjures up images of athletes waltzing on a certain reality TV show. Plus, Mark Cuban went to that big dance, downsizing the term for eternity.

"It's hard to play so-and-so and the refs." Worst offenders: Players. Skip the coyness and just say how you were robbed, citing specifics. Dare to be fined. You're already whining. Make it count.

Gwen Knapp is a sports columnist at the San Francisco Chronicle.

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2007-12-14 18:05:07
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patrickwcarson 01:47:44 PM Dec 26 2007

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Ah! And how can we forget "kind of" and "a little bit". Like, "I kind of let up a little bit".
Just sounds weak!

met012 10:51:00 PM Dec 24 2007

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he is a true fresman what is a false freshman

gemdoodles 03:51:00 PM Dec 21 2007

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i thought other like, cold-blooded or he ran for a buck thirty-five,or how about a walk-off homerun what ever the hell that was are you kidding me

dudilouise2 01:48:31 PM Dec 21 2007

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In football, i hate when you are at home watching a replay of a questionable decision and the announcers see something completely different than what actually happened. Or when they think they know what the players are thinking.

gba7700 12:50:00 PM Dec 21 2007

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why do so many people write the same comment two and three times?

prans42 01:40:00 AM Dec 21 2007

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sngr420 - You are in the minority, if I'm reading the majority of the bloggers on this subjectg right. It was meant to be a tongue in cheek, light article, and I think she hit it right. As far as you taking her place on the Chronicle, you might have to develop a sense of humor first.

tribute05 10:20:44 PM Dec 20 2007

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How bout just leaving the announcers alone. These guys do what there paid to do. Announce the games we as fans have the pleasure to watch. I don't care what sayings they use, as long as I have the pleasure to see it as it happens and can say one day when that game is shown on ESPN Classics, "I remember watching that game."

furrsher 04:26:32 PM Dec 20 2007

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do away with "he broke the plane of the end zone" and "athletisism"

ingramindianola 08:27:03 PM Dec 19 2007

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Most annoying is Berman, 2nd most is Vitale and 3rd most annoying is
every announcer and commentator at ESPN, except for Gary Thorne.
God save us from Jon Miller announcing any baseball game.

fanguy7 06:59:13 PM Dec 19 2007

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CUTE....FUNNY.....TRUE. I BUST A GUT!

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